I fully agree with your fears. I don't like that side of myself and I also decided that I don't want to force W to stay with me if she wants out. While I want to fight for us and want to show her we can have a good MR ultimately I have to respect her choices.
If I stabbed her to death I would lose her too. If I let her go she at worst is gone from my life and at best may come back to me as a lover (and possibly as a friend). I don't like that reality but that is because at this point W does reach out to me for comfort and intimacy and so I don't just get coldness. I think it's mostly fear and uncertainty.
