She's working hard to get you on the back burner where she wants you.
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did not know how to stop the run away train she created.
Easy, you stop it. She's an adult, not a little girl.
At least she's taking responsibility for creating it, though. I don't see any recognition about calling you abusive or how that wasn't fair to you at all...
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She told me if it was up to her she would be back in Colorado with me but her daughter made her promise no more moving (I dont know if I believe this).
Don't. No kid says that, and if they do it's because they're frustrated about the fallout from moving. Any adult who lets a kid determine real estate decisions is not a great parent.
With that said, stability is good for kids, obviously. Parents recognize that and don't flee to a different state for no good reason...
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She then told me if I was to relo to where she was, we could start rebuilding our relationship.
Oh boy! What an offer. She really thinks you think very poorly of yourself, huh?
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The fact of the matter is, nothing has changed. We would end up right where we are right now.
I'm glad you recognize that. What she is doing here isn't fair to you. She wants you on the hook, following her around, so she could have you IF she wants you. If.
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I responded very neutral to all these texts and did not take the bait. But I'm very confused how this is all playing out.
Nothing confusing here, T. It's the same old. She's treating you like you're an object, not a person. This isn't okay.
I like that you responded neutrally, but I think the next step in your GAL away from her is to start not responding to all of her texts. Drop the rope and don't let her think what she's saying is so important that you'll respond to everything. That action is betraying any words that you type. You're not together anymore, she called you abusive and moved away from you (oh, sorry, she "couldn't stop it") and now she's working hard to get what she wants from you. It's still all about her, T.
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Two months ago, I was "abusive" according to her. She ripped in to me several times without provacation. And now she loves me? Is still in love with me? Will regret her decision to leave forever?
T, what would a man without a rescue complex do? Would he be thrilled to be getting these emotive texts from someone who treated him that way? Would he be responding to them? Personally, I don't think he would. He'd want more from himself, and her campaign to get you to say that you'll be at her beck and call by using every emotional hook (without commitment, of course!) would be making him angry, not softening him up.
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I dont get it.
Yes, you do. She wants you. Except when she can have you. That needs to change, and that requires some deep counseling work on her part.
Interesting that she's codependent with her mom, T. So is H. And with his nasty ex, who I believe he sees as his second mother. There is a part very deep inside himself that desperately needs to keep them happy with him, and so when ex pushed and harassed and pushed some more, he caved.
I truly think that until people work out enmeshment with their parents (or parent-figures), they can't truly be in a healthy relationship. They might be able to recreate the dysfunction with someone, and stay in that for a long time. But when they're with stable partners, they look for reasons to run, because all the negative feelings can start resurfacing due to the emotional safety of the relationship.
That last paragraph is just my opinion, but I think that's what happened to me. Just something to think about, since I don't know if it applies in your case. If it does, W is going to have to realize that on her own and be willing to do some very emotionally taxing work before it would ever be safe for you to be with her.
