Hello...time for some update..

Things have been great. Been spending good time with my friends and the kids, having time to attend some shows and planning more the coming weeks. I feel relaxed doing what I want to do with the kids. somehow not having these emotional outburst I used to.(feeling bad for my situation)I am doing what I want to do meeting who I want to meet and enjoying who I want to.

So on my birthday I got a msg as I earlier wrote replied with a thank you msg only. This week too was my eldest daughter's birthday (his favorite) and for last three years he has not send her anything other than a msg. This time he was generous and was planning to buy her an apple watch. (I know interesting) actually I was happy he thought at last about his kids although was scared he will get something for the eldest and then forget the birthday of the youngest as he did before.

Funny enough my daughter did not want the watch and did not want to tell him. I think she was thinking I will jump and let him know and I decided not to interfere. in a way I wanted her to accept the gift graciously and say thank you as we learned that when someone gives a gift you should not be rude but on the other way that is her father and although his intentions are good his execution is off. he could have asked her what she wanted or even contact me to asks but of course he did not and well she feels bad to spend all the money on something she will not use...

it took her 48 hours before she replied to his msg. he did not call her all of this on msg. can you believe that he did not even call his own daughter on her birthday and want to buy an apple watch. maybe it did cross her mind...don't know but I did not stress on that. his call . Now my attitude is as long as the kids are safe they should be able to handle it. I am not there to protect him and I know they will be able to deal with him.

Anyway she told him she has no idea what she wants and they decided to discuss it later tomorrow...but regardless I think this must have been a hard lesson for him to know we are not waiting for his charity we are good on our own and kids are managing well. throwing money for gifts is not getting him anyway.

Own - last question on your thread -you asked me what would I do. I thought I will write it her. I did that exercise and realized everything I want to do I can do now. want to go out, enjoy my friends, cook meals, have fund with he kids, sit on the couch and read with no interruptions, travel . hike with meetup groups. so I started doing them and it is not bad at all. I don't miss the tension I had, I don't miss waiting for him to come for hours, I don't miss trying to make him feel good about himself. I don't miss going out with his friends or going to a wedding and have to stand by him as he has no one he knows.
if I want to hike I can, if I want to travel I can, yes money is restricted but we can do things with less money and enjoy and have the same fun.

I might miss intimacy, but at the moment I am not ready yet to start a relationship regardless single or married so when it come I might push for D but I don't have to now.

I realized my major issue is ignoring me as if I don't exists and this irritated me and he knows that. The more I complain about it the more he does that. with detaching completely I am giving him his own medicine and I know he also does not like it. let him decide what he wants for himself as we are moving on with our life with out him and if he want to send us a msg from time to time or a gift well that is nice but it will not affect us no more.

My eldest asked if we are going to see him this summer so I told her it is his decision and if she wants she can discuss it with him.(I know it is sad but you cant force someone to see you)

Anyway that is how I feel I feel good and in control of my own activities and a lot good things are yet to come.

M 45 H 45
D1 12 D2 9
BD 04/14
Living two different state
Not officially separated