You have been given a lot of great advice. I was in a similar place to you after b d in September and was just like you, including allowing myself to listen to my w speak openly about OM, entertaining an open M, and a general willingness to do anything to save the M. The two best pieces of advice that I got here and seriously helped were to believe and then act and then say:
1. I will not be in a three way relationship. 2. I want to be your H not your friend.
I was afraid if I believed or acted on or said those things that it would be the end of the R. Instead, those were important steps in reclaiming my dignity and self identity apart from my W.
Another observation from your posts is I think you think and analyze you and your W and your situation way too much. It isn't helping you. Analysis is good. Over analysis suffocates and paralyzes you. I have learned this the hard way. That's one of the reasons why GAL and one day at a time is so important, to free your mind to think of other things or nothing at all. To do otherwise is too taxing and draining to do for the marathon that is before you.
Peace,
Gordie
Gordie, thanks for your comment.
Yes, I think I agree with you as to making that clear boundary. To some degree W has come around more the past few days but it is very confusing for her (she keeps saying that word). What I am hoping she can articulate for herself is WHAT it is she is missing in the MR. The things she says she likes about me and us all point to a good potential. Maybe the problematic aspects (a weakening sex life, which recently got a little wilder and dare I say better AND the way we resolved conflicts..or rather escalated them).
I agree with the over analysis. I do think I am sincere when I say it is because of OM. It confused me why she kept him around. I have now made the commitment to myself that I stop worrying so much about that. She knows how I feel and if she wants to she will come back. But that is what I have done my entire life: I analyze things so I can survive. It's not healthy to do that right now I get that.
