WAW, is there hope?

[KGuy]

Thanks for replying AnotherStander. Very helpful stuff.

Don't wait to GAL. GAL does not mean you are leaving the M, it just means you're detaching and focusing on you. And you need to do that regardless of what happens with the M.

Nah, i meant, just keeping down the path my newly gotten life has in store for me. If the W came back, I'd get another life that included her of course. Both paths would be different.

I see a lot of people here complain about being stuck in limbo. The thing is, you're only in limbo if you let yourself be. Limbo = stuck in one place. Clearly we don't condone sitting still here. We're constantly telling people to get out and GAL, improve their wardrobe, lose weight, get in awesome shape, meet people, reconnect with old friends and family, etc. etc. Does that sound like limbo? Not on your life! You can stand for your M while still moving forward with your life.

I guess at this moment, I'm looking to emphasize things i know that attract her. Chenges made are a combination of things that were dicussed in MC as well as things i know that attract her to me. If those don't pan out in getting her back, then it'd feel like limbo emotionally even if intellectionally i know i'm improving myself. The thing would be that in the process of GAL, surely there might be the possibility of something else, and I'd feel the temptation to move on. Don't like thinking like that, but I'm always weighing contingencies.

Oh man! It might be a shorter list to answer what is not GAL I mean wow- take a painting class, take a sculpting class, or glass blowing, or get a bicycle and start riding, or pick up jogging/ running, lift weights, do Crossfit (Crossfit is particularly awesome because you will have a whole new family in no time at all), go rock-climbing, go to the park and fly a kite, build models, fly R/C planes, fly rockets, get a tan, join Habitat for Humanity and build houses, work on a car or motorcycle, do some home improvement projects, organize your closet, go hiking, learn to swim, etc. etc. And that is just my personal list! I did (and do) all of those things and more!

Yeah, I have plenty of interests. For instance, i haven't gone fishing in quite some time. I was asking (although not very well) if i should deemphasize some things especially the things that i did while i was with her (ie instead of GAL, it Get the Same Old Life, GSOL). For instance, it doesn't excite me to work on my house, however the financial freedom that i will get from that does excite me.

That's fine, as long as you have no expectations. Also understand that if your W's love language is Words of Affirmation, that compliments are not WoA. Have you read The Five Love Languages?

I have it (downloaded the PDF of it awhile back, but its not been read yet. .. came first before that since i thought that could help me (and it did somewhat). I already know affirmation is her language without reading the book, she has asked for more of this from me in the past and i'm real bad about that sort of thing. I was just worried that it would be the opposite of the "no contact". I just got the DB & DR book and that is top of the reading list right now (a bit over hallfway on the DB book now).

That on the other hand is not fine Don't have discussions with mutual friends or family about your sitch. Come here to talk, and find friends that have no association with your W that you know you can talk to without it getting back to her. If any friends or family ask then just say the two of you are going through some struggles and are working on it, and say no more.

Point taken, its just that she used to give me insight as to what is going on with her daughter. From her response i did get insight, but you are correct that i don't want it getting back to her that i asked about her.


Had more contact with her as she was cleaning out her Mom's garage (again next door). She was cleaning her Mom's garage and made a snide comment when i responded to her daughter that it was good she was doing that. A litte backstroy is that she had always wanted to organize my/our garage, but I resisted as I wanted to wait until we built an extension on it prior to fully organizing. At least there is some dialog, wheras I was fully shut out before.

I know she is trying to pool her and her Mom's resources to move away from next door. This clean-up effort is another step to doing that. Although her moving away would alleviate some problems, it will make it more difficult for a reconciliation (and she knows that).