My two best friends are divorce lawyers, one in Florida and one in Texas. They both told me to get the settlement done with him as soon as he left. Both said he would be the most generous then when he was happy about his new life and thinking everything was wonderful. My lawyer was very slow in drafting the separation contract and by the time it was done, my H had already broken up with OW1. At that point, he wanted to string me along in case he didn't have anyone. Now he is on OW2 and starting to turn the screws on me. Any remorse or regret is long gone. Now he just wants as much money as he can have for his new life.
I know it feels safer to play nice and take the kibbles he throws your way, but long term he likely won't get nicer. The thing I still have going for me is that mine fears me. The MC we briefly saw told me out of his presence that when I set a hard boundary he tends to follow it. I would say that has been the case.
I wish I had been more like Rain and moved swiftly and surely at the beginning. Not so much in an effort to have him back because I now fully appreciate that I don't want him, but just for my own self-worth and to have secured what I am sure would have been a more beneficial agreement.
I just fear when he has that mortgage and the OW to splurge on and the more distant he becomes from you and the kids, the less what little conscience he has is likely to bother him.
