Here again part 9

[25yearsmlc]

I'm assuming you need to start a new thread

as for the interaction, when he says he's working tomorrow, say nothing. Just get off the phone if you think a trail of lies is starting.

At some point SOON, I hope, you can say you don't want to hear it/don't have time to hear it", etc, and then quickly but calmly get off the phone.

These^^ are small interactions that are of no real consequence imo, unless they make YOU feel better b/c you are saving seconds of your life not listening to a liar. I mean, I get that.

But as for asking if you should say this/that,

or how to handle a 2 minute conversation that is really supposed to be about if/when he comes to visit the boys, I'm bummed b/c

that is just sucking you back into the "trying to save m" vortex, which is not helping you save anything at the moment.

My priorities are my boys first and foremost.

Finishing school ... i cannot afford to work much this last semester. I'll be working once a week which is enough for grocery money essentially.

My parents want me to leave it be with him so he will continue paying so I can get through school. My dad said he who laughs last laughs the longest. He said he knows I have this [censored] sandwich but that. I need to keep the peace to continue getting money from H. He wants me to just get a L and file and get the money sorted out that way.

so your dad wants you to suck it up AND OR to file for D and sort out the money later?

Are you aware of the finances? Account numbers and insurance (that insane mortgage application he made for himself??) b/c THAT would be my priority b/c it's your money AND your son's.

IF I could go back in time a year, AND had known what was coming, I'd have gotten my sh1t together and copied all the info, figured out the finances (taken half of the community assets then)

and I would be in a MUCH better place now emotionally and financially and professionally - AND those are linked.

Financial security is part of the whole healing process here. The better it is, the more energy we have for making forward movement in other areas.

Don't just assume your h is the better financial alternative to taking back your life and getting a fair settlement. I would assume he's not.



The problem is Florida [censored] for divorce. I wish I lived in NC of a state that wasn't a no fault state like we are here. It will take a minimum of 90-120 days to get in front of the magistrate to get temporary funds if he stops paying.


Well - You live In Florida. Wishing you did not live where you live, is really not getting you anywhere.

I don't KNOW what you'll get from filing sooner/later. I strongly believe he is hiding money and making plans that do not include giving you a lot of money down the road. How far down the road, who knows? My h is an MD who pretends he retired and can only send me 12% of his income, which he denies earning. AND I have a court order for 10 times more...

but I am still in the dark about a lot of account info b/c I was hospitalized when h was making plans for the tundra adventure. YOU are not in a hospital and you are awake.
You are an empowered woman who is afraid of acting on that power.

I know that the sooner you act, the sooner you get in front of a magistrate. AND I hope having a newborn baby & 2 older sons gets you in front a bit sooner. ((Whether the numbers add up is for a Florida lawyer to tell you.))

But waiting it all out means You are putting your financial future in your h's hands AND in your ability to detach from him. That has not been successful yet. And that is why I'm hard pressed to say wait it out.

I could see doing that temporarily in other situations, but this one is making you nuts and probably affecting your health.


...

I know I have a LOT of thinking to do. This week is my last week in internal medicine and my last day of the semester is the 26th. Then I'm off til the third week of August. I know I have big changes that need to. Be made.

So I just say to him again H you staying the night here isn't working for me? Email the schedule and that be it?

I don't know the answer to this^^ b/c I don't know your goal.

If you need help with the boys, and you think your h can give you help - then take the help. If he's not reliable, then don't bother.

It is 100% about what helps YOU do your work for school and helps with the boys. It would have nothing to do with my attitude towards him or the "it's over" marriage at this point.

You have a full plate. You're a mama and a grown woman in training for her profession.

So if you spend any energy analyzing your interactions with this indecisive dishonest navel gazing boy/man, then it's not helping YOU - or your sons and

you are the only people I care about at this point.

H got on the phone with me after he said goodnight to the boys. Telliing me about his day and what he did. I ended the conversation first. He said he was working tomorrow. My response was 'I'm sure you are H.' He then started to go into detail about it and I said I had to go and got off the phone.

this ^^ is minutia and more blah blah blah from him. You're too busy living in real life for that.