Why is this a surprise? She did exactly what everyone told you she would do if you dropped the rope and moved on. Are you finally going to listen to people, because the next steps are even more important than the ones you have just been through.
On the contrary, in my opinion, I believe that going to Virginia was really what sparked it. She even told me on the phone that she wished I had told her so she could have made arrangement to see me. That being said I have personally wanted to do just that and not talk to her anymore and go on with my life, but it was for selfish reasons and not her. It quite frankly would have been the easiest thing for me to do, but I strongly believed for my situation it wasn't the right things to do considering it would be repeating actions that were part of the problem in the first place. It was also not the advice given to me of my one and only DB coaching session. He agreed that I should also continue to contact her.
When you wrote your post about how things don't affect you like they do other people and you don't need counseling, I just felt so sorry for you. I see a guy who is so closed up emotionally that he doesn't even realize it. You think you are on some higher plane than everyone else, but you aren't even in the same zip code right now.
It is normal and natural to have feelings. It is normal to be upset when someone leaves you and says they want a divorce and to move on. It is ok to have emotion. You don't have to gut through it. You can lay on the floor in a weepy mess, feel those feelings, and move forward from them.
Come on man. This is so far from the truth and how many times do I have to say it. I don't function that way and never have. Ask my very own mother, father, brother, friends.....shoot ask my wife! I realize it is really hard to think that I'm not like others in this regard, but you know nothing of me personally or my training that I coach and continue to train myself.
The one thing not a single person who knows me would describe me as and that is emotional. I have said it so many times, I am basically happy or mad and it takes a whole lot to make me mad, such as my wife abandoning me. If it's just way to difficult for you to believe me in this regard then just don't or you can think of me as being not normal, which how others have described it in the past anyway. I have thought a lot about this because it is evident enough that I am not an emotional person and I don't go through the same process others do. This doesn't mean I'm some kind of psychopathy. Through discussion with friends on this very subject we have come to think that maybe, just maybe I process things emotionally much quicker than others, which might be do to my training, and I basically skip the process.
But, lying on the ground in a weepy mess is actually a funny thought to me. I just think to myself...WHY? Why would I do that? The answer is simple and I just wouldn't do it. It's literally not part of my being. So think all you want that you know how I am emotionally because it's what you do or go through, but you would be sorely disappointed to find that it isn't true. I hope this didn't come off in a bad way, because I realize you are helping me and I do thank you, but this subject is known by no one better than myself. I would ask you why would you think that I would want to lie about something like this in the first place? What good would that do me? Im sure you also think that I have a huge ego and that is fine too, but my ego has nothing to do with my marriage to my wife and what we are going through. Besides that, big ego's is something I dislike very much and it is also something that my training puts into check immediately. There is simply no room for the ego to exist if you actually want to improve.
Please, if you want a chance with your wife (or with some other woman in the future) get yourself to a counselor to find out why you are so locked up and don't let people in. I feel a bit like Ginger now. I know you will deny it and make excuses.
Jeez.... just call everything I disagree with you on an excuse then, but you just have to trust me on this subject. I am not locked up in anyway, I won't see a counselor by myself at all. If I do see a counselor it will be a marriage counselor and it will be with my wife.
I just want to see you let this poor girl in so the two of you don't miss out on someone who seems to generally care about you.
This right here is the truest thing from my perspective. I know I need to speak my mind more with my wife and just let her know what I am thinking, especially when she asks. Communicating with my with specifically in ways that makes sense to her is what I need to work on.
