WAW, is there hope?

[AnotherStander]

For the other point, not saying i didn't have a part (i definitely did), but i feel pretty strongly that i was blamed for everything she felt was wrong with her life

Yeah that's not unusual. That's why we are constantly counseling giving the WAS time and space, because they need to be apart from the LBS to realize that whatever is wrong in their life is INSIDE them and not the fault of others. They have to go on a soul-searching journey. The problem is after BD most LBSs will not leave the WAS alone, they are constantly in their face and applying pressure. All that does is distract the WAS and delay them from starting their journey.

Wow, two years or longer! My plan was to GAL with or without her now. At first i have to be honest that I'd do it to emphasize the traits in me i know attracted her to me, but after time i would get caught up in it and continue whether she was around or not.

Yes that's exactly it. At first we do it because we want to get our M back, but eventually we do it because we want to for ourselves.

Analytically, i tell myself i want to wait it out until after all the weaning off the breastmilk is complete and it's associated amplification of our issues was gone and see if the W comes around (or starts to). That would be about 6 to 8 months i figure (she wants to Breastfeed to 2 years old), perhaps a year. Then, if she wasn't receptive, I'd follow through on the GAL without her.

Don't wait to GAL. GAL does not mean you are leaving the M, it just means you're detaching and focusing on you. And you need to do that regardless of what happens with the M.

Otherwise I'd be in limbo long term.

I see a lot of people here complain about being stuck in limbo. The thing is, you're only in limbo if you let yourself be. Limbo = stuck in one place. Clearly we don't condone sitting still here. We're constantly telling people to get out and GAL, improve their wardrobe, lose weight, get in awesome shape, meet people, reconnect with old friends and family, etc. etc. Does that sound like limbo? Not on your life! You can stand for your M while still moving forward with your life.

I've joined some meet-up groups for interests of mine and am getting my gear ready to pull the trigger on events should the timing come up where i can go. The question is, what else i can do? Or is there anything i'm doing that perhaps i need to de-emphasize?

Oh man! It might be a shorter list to answer what is not GAL I mean wow- take a painting class, take a sculpting class, or glass blowing, or get a bicycle and start riding, or pick up jogging/ running, lift weights, do Crossfit (Crossfit is particularly awesome because you will have a whole new family in no time at all), go rock-climbing, go to the park and fly a kite, build models, fly R/C planes, fly rockets, get a tan, join Habitat for Humanity and build houses, work on a car or motorcycle, do some home improvement projects, organize your closet, go hiking, learn to swim, etc. etc. And that is just my personal list! I did (and do) all of those things and more!

Wow, for all my talk about trying to not communicate except for kid stuff, i caved last time we had the kid transfer (both when the W took the kids and also when the MIL dropped them off). On the pick-up, i simply told the W that she looked nice nothing else.

That's fine, as long as you have no expectations. Also understand that if your W's love language is Words of Affirmation, that compliments are not WoA. Have you read The Five Love Languages?

O the drop-off, I tried to reach out to the MIL to talk to her about the situation.

That on the other hand is not fine Don't have discussions with mutual friends or family about your sitch. Come here to talk, and find friends that have no association with your W that you know you can talk to without it getting back to her. If any friends or family ask then just say the two of you are going through some struggles and are working on it, and say no more.