I had even told my wife that I'd never fully trust her again and could never be 100% vulnerable with her again. I came to figure out over time that my M was doomed to failure if I stuck to these guns.
Tx,
I just want to say that your advice to me was pivotal in helping me make it through my W's A. With your help (and many others) I did. I was serious about detaching, 180's and GAL. What the people on this forum need to understand is that you MUST truly do these things for YOU. If you don't, your WS will see right through it. If you DO, you will come out the other side a much better person, with our without your S. But what is most important is that your chances of saving your M are almost nil if you don't honestly do these things. You have to fully let go of your S if you want any chance of getting them back. You have to honestly be ready to move on without them. Once you drop the rope, everything changes.
In reading your comment above, I see that I am guilty of setting my W up for failure. I've kept myself from being vulnerable with her. I've tried but as soon as there is a set back, I withdraw. The recovery for the WS is just as difficult for it is for the LBS. The LBS cannot expect the WS to do all the work. If you want the M to be saved, you've got to dig in and get your hands dirty. As you told me, you've got to be ready to eat some $h!t sandwiches. Looking back at the last few months, I can see that I haven't done as much as I could be doing. WE have to be the one that stands up for the M. WE have to be the one that shows to way. WE have to be the pillar.
When I first read that you were looking to leave your M, I sensed an incredible amount of anger and hurt. You have every right to be angry and hurt. I don't know if our WS's can ever understand what its like to go through this. I'm glad for you, your W and family that you've found a way to keep moving forward.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
