WH came back. Piecing. Past the 2 year mark ...

[PsySara]

Forgive my obtuseness but I can be VERY concrete. Some questions if you will humor me:

It started to feel like all the work and progress that we have made just disappeared and we were back to many months ago. Maybe I had assumed that as we made progress, the setbacks would be lesser. Or have less of an impact. So there was disappointment that we had come so far--felt hopeful and connected--and then poof, it was gone. I think that demonstrates that we have not made enough progress.

What exactly does progress look like, I mean concretely? For instance, I wrote three main goals when I started my DBing journey.
1. Sleep in same bed by June
2. WH quit his job in other state and move home and work here
3. We be able to talk about the affair and WH approach me instead of waiting for me to broach it.

I've accomplished these goals but still struggle with the feeling that we are not making progress. I go back to these original goals to reflect that I have made progress. Now I need to make some more advanced goals but remember that I have made progress even if I am not 100% where I want to be.

Communication; what does GOOD communication mean? That you address things immediately? That you put time aside each week to address the holes in communication? That you are each able to reflect back what the partner is trying to convey? When have you felt TRULY connected to your H? What was being said? What was the body language like? What time of the day was it? Where were you? DBing is largely focused on magnifying the moments where things are working, where they are good.