In my heart, I still want and hope for a reconciliation but I understand that it won’t happen soon. My wife is really hurt and unhappy I cannot see how she could come back to me at the moment. I also do not know if I really want her back right now. At least not the alien that has taken over my W.
Usually the "alien" comments are regarding MLC, and based on your post I think your W is a WAW and not MLC. There were clearly some big problems in the M. It's unfortunate that she chose to leave instead of trying to work on things, but the same could be said for most of us here.
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Now I try to find out things for GAL. It’s hard since all my close friends live elsewhere (moved here to be close to W family). However, I try to make friends in my town as well at work. Met some guys for pool as well as board games. I also exercise daily. I either go for a run or a powerwalk, depending on how the body feels. Updating my wardrobe, make sure I get a nice haircut as well.
Great, keep it up!
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Is there really a chance for us? I think I blew it big time when I challenged her regarding custody and so on regarding our D. She was cold but tried to get an amicable divorce before that, as long as she got full custody etc.
Yes there's a chance, and no I do not think you blew it trying to get custody of your D. I don't know if you're disabled to the point that it interferes with you taking care of D4, but assuming you're not then it's not at all unreasonable to expect more then just a daily visitation now and then. Honestly if it were me I would have fought my W to the bitter end for at least 50% visitation, but thankfully my W didn't dispute it.
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Based on my story, what do you think should be my next move?
Custody dispute aside, keep working on yourself. Try to regain as much of your health as you can. Eat right, get in the best shape possible, do things to create and maintain a positive outlook. Give your W time and space. You don't have to be in her face all the time for her to see your changes. It sounds like a lot of her concerns were over your health and her thinking you would never do anything to change it, so if you can do a 180 there then that'll go a long way towards convincing her she was wrong.
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How bad was the idea to sell the house? W pushed hard for a sale and I could not really keep the house by myself. We would have been selling it first thing after summer otherwise. However, I am still living in the house until the middle of Aug when the ownership formally changes.
It just seems like things are moving extremely fast. That's really pretty unusual. I'm not sure what your role has been in all of that, but in general don't help her push through the D. If she requests something of you then do provide it, but don't push it through yourself. Do protect yourself though, do not fall into the trap of thinking you should sign whatever she hands you to placate her. It may have the opposite effect, she may see you as wimpy and unable to stand up for yourself.
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This has been an emotional rollercoaster for sure, especially during the first 2 weeks after BD. I have never really thought that a divorce could be possible for us. I've seen on the board that it's not an uncommon belief.
Yes BD comes as a shock to pretty much all of us. Rarely is any LBS of the opinion that the M was perfect, but what M is? Most of us think we and our spouse are both dealing with the difficulties of life and M, we don't realize that in fact our spouse is NOT dealing with it. They're internalizing it and are a bomb waiting to go off.
