That is a very good question and I'm the first to admit I think it's a slippery slope and would want a DB coach or another veteran of neglecting their spouse to chime in. I'm always unsure of this one. The last thing in the world you want to do is be clingy. That is hugely unattractive. I've pondered myself how you detach, and move on if you were being accused of neglect in the first place. It seems counter-intuitive. In my own case neither of us actually neglected the other. We had just become a very old married couple decades before we were very old. Not really neglect but no spark either. I recognized it and so did she but she turned 45 and coped with that by flipping out. I coped with it by buying a Harley and getting back into riding.
The 180 is doing the opposite of what you were doing in the M that broke it, and is breaking your chances at R. If you were neglecting her needs or not reliable doing things you said you'd do then the 180 should be that you're attentive to needs and you do all the things you say you'll do. The standard advice, however, is to stay at arm's length and give them space.
I guess you could not bug her, do your own thing, but if she needs something then you could help. Be dependable and attentive.
