You are right that my feelings of sadness are on me!!! I see it!!! My feelings of sadness are tied into my expectations and my impatience.
I think I am taking my concern about pursuing behavior to the extreme. I need to be pleasant. Not just for me, for S and to be the Lighthouse.
When I confront my feelings about greeting H and how I treat him I do feel some resentment. Like I am making things "easy" for him and he gets to escape "justice." But I need to remember that he is in crisis and that although things may appear okay on the outside, they are not. My feelings are tied up in my hope for a confirmation that my perception of what is happening is right.
