First, is this a letter you want to send now? Because I'm not sure I would...but I know waiting a few days won't matter - so I suggest you hold off for now.
Second, some of the things you posted here are things I missed in your threads or you didn't mention earlier and they matter.
If you are of different races, a LOT of families have subconscious or overt problems with that. The issues may be invisible to the naked eye, but might be simply dormant , and will come out when marital issues rise. That is relevant.
Also, the political differences - as superficial as they may be to me/you and many others, they are managed different recently.
Added to the racial difference - if I'm understanding you correctly, feeds into a lot of people's perceptions at this time.
I would strongly suggest saying nothing that disagrees with them, other than when specifically asked. Then you stress what you do agree on (i.e. safety net for the disabled, and things that all sides agree on).
You will not persuade anyone otherwise. I get the sense that you really do believe your views are better thought out than theirs and that you feel the need to make points, not knowing that you're getting nowhere fast. But imo, There is No political issue worth falling on your sword for, with inlaws.
I've consumed many cups of STFU when my inlaws said things I totally disagreed with or found offensive, over the past 37+years. The good news is they stopped asking my opinion and we all mellowed over time.
Next - And her own mother did this to her dad? That's fascinating to me. Not in a good way, but in a "Sure Wish I'd known before" way.
It's probably incredibly relevant, Cali. These ^^ are the types of details that would have helped to know earlier, tbh.
If you didn't mention this^^^ before, that's baffling to me. Do you see how that specific information matters?
Anyhow, the last form of communication I'd choose if I were you, is texting. It's the most likely to be misinterpreted and once it's written, it can be forwarded to anyone.
And you said above in an above post that you were "not angry" she didn't make time for you in Virginia.
That's patently false.
You even admit it was disrespectful and cowardly of her, in your later posts. It would also be weird if you did not feel disappointed. (As if seeing your wife didn't matter when it was THE reason you went out there).
and yes I know you got divorce papers the day before. I just linked them in terms of when she sent them/you made travel plans.
Cali, there is some cognitive dissonance in your posts and you need to know it's okay to be confused. It's normal to have conflicting emotions now.
What's of concern to me is how insistent you are that all is fine and you'll come out on top and this doesn't hurt...when of course it does.
In any case, she is sending mixed signals, I agree. But the loudest & clearest signal was the divorce filing.
Take your time responding. Silence is a response. And you can speak later, but you cannot retract.
((( )))
I absolutely have mentioned the things above before and this is why I think things aren't getting through. The emotions I feel are being mad at how she is treating me let alone anyone else. That is the only emotion I have. I have said before I am either mad or happy and I am seldom mad. You are absolutely correct when I say I am confused with her actions and it's not like this something that suddenly popped up with her. I have had to deal with crap like this before.
Believe me when I have never discussed political things with my inlaws directly. They were mad at my wife for having agreed with me though and that is a fact. What difference does a letter make now? This is an honest question. I don't get it? As much as you guys think Im super emotional or off the charts angry it isn't the truth. If I was any of those things I wouldn't be acting the way I am. I wouldn't have the control over having silence towards my wife for one. I have chose every time to not respond to her because I am not sure what to say other than to give her an ear full of everything I think is utter crap.
