ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 2

[SJW]

H was supposed to let me know yesterday if he was coming back last night or tonight to see the kids. He text at 5pm, which would have been too late for him to get back last night, saying that he would come tonight and he was going out with one of the guys from work. He rang at 8 and spoke to the kids then wanted to chat with me as usual as if nothings changed!! I'd decided earlier in the evening that I can't face him right now so I told him I'd forgotten that I had a work function tonight and would he be able to stay with the kids and he said yes. I asked if he had plans to see the kids at the weekend and he said he was waiting to speak to me. I need the garden sorting out and my S has a football tournament early on Saturday morning that DO doesn't want to go to so I told him he could stay at the house Friday and I would stay with a friend with DO (this isn't unusual so the kids will be fine). I am also out Saturday with DO and S doesn't want to come so I said he could stay Saturday as well and we would stay out again. I'm torn between needing the garden sorted and feeling like I'm letting him cake eat.

I really want to say to him that I'm not OK with carrying on as if nothings happened and pretending that everything is OK when it's not but does this go against DBing?

I am going to see my Mum on Sunday (2hrs away) as my Auntie is over from Canada but goes back next Tuesday so we need to se her. I told him he was welcome to join us and he said I think I need to see your Mum and Dad on my own. He said it might be a bit awkward so I just told him to think about it for the kids and he was welcome to join us.

This is so difficult I am literally worn out. My boss hasn't got back to me and I just feel so stressed with it all. I'm desperately trying to keep busy but then my mind wonders or I walk past a picture of us and it all comes flooding back.