At this point the consequence is that she's not included in your great new life that you're building....which you better be building! ;-)
No need to file for D....yet. That day may come. When it does you'll want it more than she does. By then you'll be in shape, living a life worth envy, and have a very bright future. She'll want in on that. A lot of women will.
For now stop focusing on your M or your wife. Don't engage in R talks. Don't issue ultimatums but also don't lie. Plan your future as if she doesn't exist. If she questions that say you have to plan your future without her since she's still in contact with OM and you won't be in a marriage like that. Then you disengage from that conversation. Not another word. If she says she has not contacted him, and you know that's a lie, then say that's not true and you walk away. Disengage. You're too good to be pulled into a Jerry Springer type argument over a cheating wife and a douche bag AP.
I think your sitch will go like mine did but you do have to keep working on yourself. Don't get complacent, don't take days off. I did all kinds of stuff. I even took a cooking class. Met a really nice lady there. Divorcee. We didn't date but we bonded at the class and if my cheating wife hadn't stopped what she was doing I would have dated this woman.
GAL your butt off. Find your passions and put all your energy into them. No need in reserving any energy for your spouse because she's not worthy of it right now.
Leave the marriage be and build the better you. Don't be moody, angry, passive aggressive, dark, brooding, etc. Be positive, confident, and happy.
