you did say something along the lines of "we should" have a face to face, which I totally thought was legit.
But yes, it was similar to saying she owed it to you. And I wouldn't get bogged down in that wording. What difference does it make?
Here is what we know...
1) during the m, she was lonely a lot, and away from her family/support system too. This was communicated to you.
2) there were some personal issues between you two that resulted in her feeling less than desirable, and that's a tough thing for any woman, let alone a young one...
3) she left - and then you both communicated by text, for the most part.
I assume the reason you did not fly out immediately or call her, is b/c she said she wanted space and you felt like texting was the way to go. And for the last time, I promise, you did not offer to quit the job or move back east - for some amount of time, but instead tried to persuade her that it was not the solution to her troubles.
4) she filed for divorce/you went to see her
5) she was not or did not make herself available.
6) She's reaching out to you now.
All this is true other than I chose to go see her before I knew there were divorce papers coming.
Questions - You've said before that her family is supporting her in filing for divorce, as well as her friends. Other than single men who may want to date her, why would they support a divorce over remaining married? What is your r like with her family?
Her family life has never been a good one and that is coming from her own words. Her mother and father constantly fought and her mother routinely left without a word and would disappear for days only to come back when she wanted too. Her mother was a horrible influence on her when she was younger telling her things about men that were absolutely wrong and should have never been said to a young girl. Her mother constantly chased off friends my wife would make and sheltered my wife a lot. Her family Holidays were usually just her and her dad staying home with her mother no were in sight and they usually didn't do much together as a family. Her father was always leveled headed, but was constantly gone because he was a Major in the Army. There is more, but that gives me an idea.
I haven't heard a word out of her parents since all of this happened. I called and talked to her dad once and he just said that her mother did similar things and that they won't get involved in the kids lives unless they ask. Although, they have no problem paying for everything and letting her come back home when she gets bored of her husband. The only interaction I have had from any of her family is a thank you for a gift on mother day and fathers day. Her parents didn't like my political view and were upset that my wife was in agreement with me. This probably plays a factor more then they would like to admit. It's sad really all because I wanted to vote for someone they didn't want to. My family has supported my wife through everything and including when she left us all behind. Her family won't give me the time of day. I honestly think race has something to do with it too. I know her sister has tried to get her to move out to Georgia while back too, so basically to leave me behind.
Finally, What do you want to do now, if you know?
Did you read her last text messages to me after I got to Hawaii? It doesn't seem like there is much care from her about things at all. She wants nothing else then to divorce and to forget about a life she once started with me, so why oh why does she insist on doing what she is doing. Why does she reach out to me if it isn't going to change anything? I don't know what I want to do? I have been clear from the beginning that I want our marriage to work and that is way to much to ask for as her husband so what left is there. What could she actually have to say to me that will matter at all? I feel she is disrespecting more now then she has this entire time and I will not be walked on like that.
I asked and tried to talk to her many many times and she wouldn't have it.
I asked for simple closure and to have a real understanding of all the things and reasons for this, but she wouldn't give me the time of day.
Now she expects me to give her everything she asks for and I am the bad guy when it's exactly what she has been asking for. I have changed the way I was dealing with her and being validating and understanding and very soft towards her. That is not the way I would normally deal with someone who is doing the things she is doing and I wouldn't normally fight for someone to be in my life when they want out so bad. My honestly to goodness reaction to this kind of behavior is to be done with them and take them out of my life, but because she is my wife and I understand I hurt her that I gave her the time and grace she asked for. I was very understanding of what she was going through and I didn't want to be the one to call it off.
It's funny to me how when she finally sees that I have had enough she reaches out to me. That right there stinks to high heaven of games being played. So tear this way of thinking apart so I can understand if I am going about this all wrong. The one thing I haven't done is say a word to her because I don't know what I want to say or where I want to go with this. I have kept my cool with it.
I do know this! The way she did things is completely wrong and that is a view that will not change. In a marriage you work on things and you don't give up and abandon your family. Vows were made and that is very important. When I take a step back and look at our problems none of it deserves the treatment she is giving and neither do my family, which was her family. She can think she is right all she wants in her head, but she can't change the fact that deep down she knows she is wrong.....that is only if she ever truly loved me and my family.
