Wife walked away 12 days ago says it's over 3

[25yearsmlc]

PLEASE

I hope you took in the post from Another Stander and really really ponder it b/c you are getting feedback and I'm not sure you are taking it in. You need to read his post to you again, please.

This approach only works when you apply it.

So the W just stopped by to get some of her outside stuff, I kept myself busy doing other stuff we talked a lil at the end.


Did you feel like you had to be there? I'm not arguing for or against, but asking.

Also Were you doing anything new or different or a 180? B/c if you are going to be exposed to her, then at least make it an opportunity to demonstrate change in you. Mystery or upbeat new hobby, new cologne and clothing, but something different...you want her to second guess her choices

NOT b/c of things you say...b/c that will backfire.


She made the comment "thanks for letting me stop by" kinda like she was bitter that I asked her to start letting me know when she comes by for now on.


I'm Not sure you are correct here^^. It's mind reading. Why not ask her what she meant, next time? Not confrontationally but b/c you are not clear on how she feels about it.



I said to her it's not like that you're always welcomed I just really appreciate it if you just let me know for now on is all.

Why not say, in an upbeat peaceful way "Yes I want to know when someone's going to be in the house, especially since I'm out so much. But as long as I have notice, there's no problem..."

Then change the subject and move along.

It makes me feel bad now that I made that boundary with her but it's the first thing I've done this whole process that's not on her terms so I don't thinj she likes that.

Why not be a mysterious busy guy who is GAL, who simply needs a little notice about someone entering the house?

I'm not saying to point out that it's YOUR house((!) b/c that can sound obnoxious and she knows it anyhow. ( IF IF she's bugged about asking permission to enter, my guess is it would be that, ad not the boundary per se. Just the fact that it's all in your name).

Anyhow, you freaking live there.

Even if you were both tenants, I'd say this to the person still living there. Tell the visiting spouse you need notice for safety reasons, among others.

As for you saying it 'made you feel bad", that's b/c of the story you are telling yourself.

It's nothing she said or did that is new. It's how you chose to interpret a comment she made.

Detach buddy, a whole lot more.