WAW, is there hope?

[KGuy]

Okay, got the kids fed and they are playing again so i can respond to AnotherStander's post. Its amazing how bubble wrap fascinates kids...lol.

Hello KGuy, welcome to the forums! It sounds like you are very well prepped coming in which is great You've already done a ton of reading so well done!

I've been trying to set aside time to read up on the many facets of this, but its tough finding time. Its taken higher priority than filing the taxes which i filed an extension on during the mayham...lol.

It sounds likely, but as we're fond of saying around here D is just a piece of paper. It can actually help your sitch because afterwards your W may start realizing that D wasn't the answer and it didn't solve all her problems. That can trigger the internal discovery that a lot of WAW's need to go through.

I agree, in fact, analytically thinking, the mediated agreement solves a few financial liabilities that if i continued would just get more expensive for me as well as protect my assets from future issues if i decide to enter another relationship whether with the W or not.
For the other point, not saying i didn't have a part (i definitely did), but i feel pretty strongly that i was blamed for everything she felt was wrong with her life On top of the other issues she is having, she may also be having a MLC. I may be as well for that matter Anyway, i feel the issues will come up soon while living with her Mom. If she is successful in getting another house, it may take a little longer but they will definitely surface again as well as other financial issues. She may think she can just raise my Child support to cover it, but i will make plans to eliminate that risk should she not act with a certain time and i have to move on.

Well that does happen a lot, by the time the WAS starts coming out of the fog and thinking about recon the LBS has moved on to the point where they don't want a relationship anymore. I wish more LBS's took a long term view and said "I'm going to give this a couple of years before I start a new R or completely give up on this" because often it does take that long or longer for the WAS to come around.

Wow, two years or longer! My plan was to GAL with or without her now. At first i have to be honest that I'd do it to emphasize the traits in me i know attracted her to me, but after time i would get caught up in it and continue whether she was around or not. Analytically, i tell myself i want to wait it out until after all the weaning off the breastmilk is complete and it's associated amplification of our issues was gone and see if the W comes around (or starts to). That would be about 6 to 8 months i figure (she wants to Breastfeed to 2 years old), perhaps a year. Then, if she wasn't receptive, I'd follow through on the GAL without her. Otherwise I'd be in limbo long term. After that, then she wasn't "sick" after all and would most likely feel she made the right move and would keep moving forward. I would also think from her part that if she didn't stick it out the MR as we promised to each other we would, so i'd probably move on, and why not?... she did. I flip flop on this again and again and my feelings for her are still strong even now, so who knows what the future will bring and if two years would even seem so long after occupying my time so rigidly. In my experience though, pining for lost love is not very effective or healthy.

Try not to look at it as something being wrong with her, because you need to own your part in it and work on improving yourself.

Yeah, I know i had part in it as well. I know i'm not blameless. As i said, we definitely have underlying issues that require work and change in order for this to work. I took her for granted and thought she knew i was doing what i was doing to get things done for both of us. Further, i probably didn't do all the little things because i got turned off by her mood when it was bad. I remember reading in "Men are from Mars.." that the guy was a fair weather lover and i can see where i have been that. When we were on the cyclical up and downs, i did all these things, but as her mood changed sour, i pulled back even if i was always there trying to approach her. That being said, when we were cyclical, we'd agree on fixing things or other solutions, but they'd only last about two weeks max before they feel by the wayside.

DBing isn't about simply waiting it out, it's about making yourself into something new. More attractive, more independent, stronger. Give your W a reason to want you!

I can see that in what i've read in posts around here so far. As i stated i've been trying to reinvent myself, but most of it so far has been self improvement and getting back to a solid footing to where i don't have these houses sitting around and reuse the capital invested into making myself not be dependent on a job and possibly going out on my own to start my own business. I've joined some meet-up groups for interests of mine and am getting my gear ready to pull the trigger on events should the timing come up where i can go. The question is, what else i can do? Or is there anything i'm doing that perhaps i need to de-emphasize? Any advice is welcome of course. I see it posted everywhere where you try and fill your schedule as full as you can get it.