1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off!
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.
9. Do not schedule dates together at this point. (That is pursuing.) Save for later when the R is much better.
12.Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.
17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works!
31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse, instead, focus on them.
35.Do not send several TM's or emails throughout the day unless absolutely necessary.
37. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
I actually printed Sandi's rules out and kept them in my pocket and read them several times a day. It's a good gut-check that keeps you from straying off course.
Quote:
She said talk about what? I said just talk for a few mins not really. About anything. She texted back I don't know, then I said if you want to talk about how you feel about that we can.
Yeah that's pressure, don't do it. If SHE wants to initiate a talk (which she probably won't for months, or even a year or more) then fine, you listen. But stop inviting her to have convos. It just makes you look needy and desperate to her.
