The red flag (which I expected) was that she did not want to give up her job (it pays very well and the UK is f****d for jobs not that I am making excuses for her) but she knows the score.
Leaving that job site is a must. Txhubby is right about getting therapists that understand the addictive power of EA's. Having a good therapist to guide you through reconciliation is good, as long as your W is not seeing, hearing, or talking with OM. I understand how tough it is to get a good paying job, but do you want a good job or a good marriage? Unfortunately, if she stays where OM is employed, your MR will be lacking in so many ways.
This has been going on for several months now, and I think you are still on your first thread. It causes me to wonder if you are the type of man who waits for his W to decide what she wants. Have you considered saying something like, "It's not cool for you to remain in the same employment as OM, and I feel disrespected".
You forgave her, which is admirable. I don't know your W, but some WW's will hold the H's forgiveness over his head, as if he has no further say about her current or future behavior that affects the MR. It would be unwise for either of you to think the EA will end while she is employed at the same job as OM. There have been numerous stories where the AP remained employed together, and I can't remember any successes in their MR's. And for the most part, these were cases where W's had an EA with a coworker or boss/supervisor.
Forgiveness is only the first step. There will be things she has to do to make the MR work. She may need to be told that forgiveness for past transgressions does not equate to trust. The first time, she freely had your trust, but this time around she needs to show that she can be trusted. (Just in case she throws it in your face, "You said you forgave me, but obviously you haven't"). Forgiveness is not condoning what she did, neither is it trust. This will be difficult for both of you, but for her to expect you to be okay with her working with OM should not be acceptable.
There is a big difference in a W having to settle for her H (b/c the OM won't leave his W and kids), from a W who wants to be with her H. Currently, her desire to be with you instead of the OM may not rank very high. Until she can work through her wayward issues, she needs to make decisions based on what is right. If she will, then eventually her feelings will follow.
I realize she's not the one coming to the board. I just try to give you an idea of the part she has to do. There will plenty of work on both sides of the street. A lot of her work will be on her mindset and getting her heart right........if she makes the right choice to stay in her M.
I hope you will post more often.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It causes me to wonder if you are the type of man who waits for his W to decide what she wants. Have you considered saying something like, "It's not cool for you to remain in the same employment as OM, and I feel disrespected". 