Sandi2, you seem to be someone who really understands what a lot of us LBH's are dealing with when our wives are WW. I have been trying to learn as much as I can about my short comings and what I can do to become a better man and husband. Whether it is for my XW or a new person. I've read your threads for LBH's and I see a lot of the WW traits in my XW. One thing that is referenced is the nice guy syndrome. I read the book early on in my sitch but I should probably read it again. I was reading through other threads and you posted this.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
If I had to guess, you are nice guy who settled into married life and raising a family,........ and maybe, just a bit too easy going where your W was concerned. You found it easier to just go along with most of what she wanted, while you laid back and watched tv or occupied your time on the computer. As with most men, you felt your main responsibility was providing for your family......so after a day at the job, you could relax.
Over time, your W seemed to have become agitated with you.......but you weren't sure why. You couldn't put your finger on the problem, but your W seemed to hold some type of anger in her that stayed just below the surface. The more you tried to be laid back and easy going, the more irritated at you she could become.......even over very minor issues.
Does this sound anywhere close to your life? If so, then I suspect your W was slowly losing some respect for you over the years. It happens in many, many MR's. You see, a woman needs to feel admiration for their H. You guys like to be admired, right? There is something in a woman that is not talked about nearly enough. Her feelings of being in love with her H is tied to the level of respect she has for him. After the wedding and they settle down to real life, they are going to experience a lot of things, but most of it will be day-to-day small stuff. Strangely enough, how we handle the small stuff affects our intimate relationships. Often times, a woman can feel resentment about how her H handled something (or that he did nothing), but she tells herself it sounds too petty to make a big deal out of it. So, she pushes her feelings down and it turns into unresolved issues. After a few years of unresolved issues.......there is lot of resentment growing in her heart. Guess who is the target? Her H, of course. Eventually, it begins to tear away the respect she had for him. Although he may be a good guy and works hard for his family......her feelings for him have been affected by resentment and her respect for him as a man begins to drop. He may not fully realize this is going on in the heart of his W, b/c she does not talk in a way that is clear. She talks in codes, and therefore, he usually has no clue as to the real problem.
When resentment and disrespect has continued to grow, she will begin to rebel. At first, it may be in subtle ways, but if it goes unchecked......she can go into full rebellion. Her mindset and behavior are wayward. She rejects her H, the M, and their lifestyle. Whether secretly or openly, she begins acting out as if she is a completely different person. Her standards or moral conduct usually drop, and she engages in behavior she had never condoned in the past. Her selfishness is staggering, and it motivates everything she does. Everything is about her. She often forsakes old friends and makes new ones who enable her wayward lifestyle. The H, children, parents, etc., are left bewildered and asking what happened to the woman she used to be.
I have some questions for you as I hope you can help me understand some things. I'll post them in a second post on this new thread so it isn't one really long post.
Me 38, Her 40 T-14, M-13, No kids BD-1 4/14- EA/PA BD-2 10/14- EA BD-3 2/17- EA/PA W Moves out 2.10.17 in with AP W Served D papers 3.6.17 Divorce Final- 5.23.17
