Would W be this giving and sweet to you normally, Thornton? Or is this out of character for her? I know you've mentioned BPD, and there is a concept called "hoovering" where after the target has put up boundaries, the BPD sufferer tries to emotionally pull the target back in. I know we can't and shouldn't diagnose her, but it's just something to think about in terms of trying to process what is happening here.
And what's up with her mentioning your therapy? Is she in therapy? Does she potentially view your therapy as something that impacts her, like that you're not an "abuser" any longer because you're seeking therapy?
She appears to be trying to cross boundaries all over the place and I'm wondering about more of the context.
Quote:
just said thanks for being there for me.
I think you did really well, though I'd not follow through with letting her be there for me. You can, and should, handle your grief with the help of stable people who care for you.
I don't think you'd find a way to emotionally depend on W, but I'm just saying it's a bad idea if you are tempted.
Another way to put up a boundary with her would have been "That's horrible. Thank you for letting me know" about your friend, and ignore her emotional stuff.
That's a way to show W that you're not going to let W use what happened as a way to feel close to you, without having to say a word. You've had plenty of practice here and know the best way to free her up to become self-motivated to want closeness with you is to dodge her small attempts with your actions.
By the way, I was thinking of you yesterday. I was digging through my closet trying to find a tote bag, and in the tote bag was a handmade one with ex-SD's initials on it. It looked like something she made when she was younger. Finding it was really painful for me and I thought of you because I knew you'd understand that particular feeling of loss.
