I guess I'm not understanding the logic of contacting him to find out whether his whims/social life having him acting as a father to the kids.
My impression - and I could be wrong - was that you remain upset about the lack of boundaries and his perceived cake-eating, but don't want to take any steps to set boundaries and end the cake-eating, so you texted him.
The text exchange was about trying to control his behavior rather than focusing on setting boundaries that work for you, demonstrating to him via your actions that you are creating distance and focusing on yourself, rather than him.
