Re: 2 sides to every story .. final chapter

[AndrewP]

exquisite - I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time of it. Dealing with teens is tough at the best of times but as a single mom you have to be an extra-tough super-woman to manage it. My STBX also manages a small store that may be similar to yours and it's a pretty tough job that demands that you be "up" for the customers and have it together to get stuff done.

As a suggestion for your health and it's helpful for your Dr you may want to do what I did for quite a while (fallen out of the habit) and get a home blood-pressure machine and record your blood pressure morning and evening during what may pass as a quiet time for you. This will give them some good data to base decisions on. They'll probably do a full blood-workup on you including tests for cholesterol, diabetes etc. If they don't then ask for it. They'll probably nag you to quit smoking as well. I'll hold you to your promise to make an appointment by next Monday.....

From your place references you are also in Ontario. I was able to get some free IC help through my local family health team. Are similar resources available for you?

As far as parenting goes, I have little advice. When my kids were teens my W and I were a well functioning team and backed each other up on everything. I do remember though us having a financial crisis then and we sat and had a talk to the kids about it. It was amazing how they stepped up and were supportive. I know that they are treating you like staff. That's because they are thoughtless and don't know how things take time and effort. A phrase I used to use with them was that I needed them to be a "contributing member of the household". I know you are trying to be a super-woman but before you start wearing your underwear on the outside like mad-people or costumed superheros do, perhaps get them to bear some of the load. At their age they should be able to cook the occasional meal for the family, do their own laundry etc. When they do do something make sure to notice it and thank them. If they push back then warn them that if you are going to have to be a super-woman that you "will" start wearing your underwear outside your pants <smile>. On your side you may have to recognize that your standards may not apply in what they consider to be their own private spaces.

Is there also a way to limit your XH access to you? Him just wandering into the store unannounced speaks to a lack of respect for the fact that he fired you as his W. Can you set up a boundary where if he wants to see you or come into the store that he asks at least 24 hours in advance at least? I may be a bit biased here because I myself am terrified of running into my STBX and avoid her store like it's a plague zone. We may be "amicable" but there's still a lot of hurt and anger on my side and I suspect fear of a confrontation on her's. She's not been able to see how I've grown in the past year. Which is sad in some ways because I like supporting local businesses and it is a handy place to pick up beer.

Good luck and sending you warm thoughts and a hug.