For ME - I am no longer a blob that sits on the couch, drinking wine and filling my face full of crap. I run nearly every day now, lost a ton of weight and work every day on improving myself. I made myself attractive to ME, not just her.
I count that as a success story, even if your M had not been saved. You make some excellent points, the main one being that "success" does not equal "saved marriage". It means different things to different people. For me, when I was buried neck deep in my mess the ONLY thing I would have counted as "success" is "going back to normal" with my W. IE, she would move back in and our lives would pick up where they left off. And I think that's what most people come here hoping for- reassurances that it will all go back to "normal". But it will never go back to what it was. There's a "new normal" for each and every one of us here. It's up to us to define that "new normal" and make it as great as we possibly can.
My W didn't want to go back to our old life, and I didn't either even though I didn't know it post-BD. I was so deep into the LBS fog that I couldn't see things clearly. Now with the benefit of time and recovery behind me, I can see that we both needed to go on a journey of introspection and self-improvement. We had become complacent in life and life does not sit idly by allowing people that comfort. It has a way of slapping you across the head with a 2x4 when you get a little too comfy with the status quo. We each went a separate path and I think we've both emerged better people for it. We're not married anymore, but we still have a strong relationship. We communicate really well and we still do things together with the kids now and then. I think our lives will forever be intertwined whether we ever remarry or not.
I still remember BD and the aftermath quite clearly. I suffered horribly. And I know a lot of you reading this are as well. I know at a time like this the -only- thing you want to hear is your M will be restored and everything will go back to "normal". But as Storm said, even if your M is restored it's unlikely to look like it did before. Your life is going to change as a result of this experience. The old timers that post here are ALL success stories, some of their M's were restored and others were not but that's not the true measure of success. The real measure is YOU, if you come out of this better, stronger and happier than you are a success story. And you WILL, you just can't see it yet because you're still deep in grief over the loss of your old life. But hang in there and be patient with yourself, a new, beautiful life for you is just beginning.
