I asked you how you felt about the beauty comments & literally not having any other qualities of hers which you love. I know they exist, but I asked you how you felt (seeing that in writing.)
I doesn't make me feel anything. What it does make me realize is that yes I should have address more than just her looks, because obviously it's more than just her looks as to why I married her. The simple truth is I addressed that directly because it has been a staple in her complaints about the marriage and one of the things she felt. She felt and thought that I wasn't physically attracted to her anymore, so I wanted to tell her again that isn't true.
Other than what you "think" about things and how you wish you had done things, I miss hearing what you FEEL about it all.
To be clear - I believe you feel deep emotions, though I"m not sure you let yourself really go there. I'm not a T. But I wonder why you have not talked to someone.
It's totally fine for you to feel this about me, but that doesn't make it true. Just because I tell you I will be fine has nothing to do with me trying to hide some sort of deep emotions. That is something I don't get. Why is it thought that I am or want to hide something like that? What benefit is it to me to lie about not being fine? I am pretty straight forward when I say that I will be fine.
Not my business but I sure as heck did not have the tools I needed to get through this.
((( )))
I'm not seeing a T. I know it's really hard for you guys to understand me and how I am able to deal with things because it isn't anywhere near the norm and maybe it's abnormal, but I am truly fine and I will always be fine.
Cali, is this an attribute to you? You want to "always be fine"? Because it reads to me as if nothing matters much to you. Or you cannot face it when they do. And yes it comes across as abnormal. The only people I know who literally talked to zero professionals when life threw them a heartbreak curve ball, will repeat the same choices they made originally. How can they not?
I'm so sorry to say that b/c I know it'll come across as an insult. I hope you can trust that it's not meant as one. Also, if you can, check out and address the numerous questions I asked of you in your letter. It's not really about "the letter" or what you wanted to say to your wife obviously, but how you view things and your part in it.
This "Cali, is this an attribute to you? You want to "always be fine"? Because it reads to me as if nothing matters much to you. Or you cannot face it when they do." is exactly what I expected to hear. This is why I said you guys will find it hard to understand. You're way or idea of how you or other people deal with things is far different then mine. I don't call this an attribute at all, but just the way it works for me. Trust me when I say I won't repeat the same mistakes. One of the main things about this forum for me is hashing out things for me to better understand how things went wrong so I know what not to repeat and how I affected it all. I personally need to understand within myself and make sense of it in a way I get understand. Hearing a lot of different view points really helps in that regard.
Nothing you ever do comes across as an insult. I am not the kind of person to take things that way. You don't know me well enough at all to understand that but it is true. Before something can come across as an insult it has to be intended as one. No one's intention on this forum is to insult the other person, so in order for me to take it as one I have to accept it as one, so again no offense at all taken. You are the main person in here who continues to work on this with me and it's greatly appreciated. Thank you, really thank you for all your help.
I will review the letter and I actually want to rewrite it in a simplified way. Basically take out all of the extra stuff I have in there that you pointed out to be overkill, extra or just not needed. I got a family Bar-B-Q to go to for the 4th and then to come back and pack for Hawaii to fly out tomorrow. I will be checking this on my tablet and again once I return home later to night to see the responses. I will have to get back into the letter once I am settled down in Hawaii.
I deal with things really easily and I have thought about this in depth before when trying to understand why I don't have the same break downs as most others do. Who said seeing a therapist mean you were breaking down? And btw, who "broke down" in your life? What would that look like to you?
That was just a general thought and yes people have broke down for numerous things around me. My wife being one of them. I wasn't actually tying breaking down and seeing a therapist as some sort of chain of events at all. I am fully aware that you can see a Therapist at any point and it doesn't have to be after you broke down. I think this was over analyzed and look at a little to deeply. I not quite sure what you mean by breaking down and what would it look like to me. That is a very vague question because it's going to differ from person to person and the situation. The degree of breakdown comes down to the individual too. The degree in which things effect me are different then the way others are going to be affected. Is that still unclear as to why I said I will be fine. Yes, my wife is doing this and I would rather it not happen. Yes, I don't like it. Is it going to make me stop living my life and breakdown, absolutely not. I truly understand this is a part of life and people go through things and the most important thing is how you deal with it and how you adjust to learn from the experience.
- as I have this entire time, I will be just fine and know life goes on and there is no reason for me to let anything ruin my life, even for a little bit. I am very optimistic about how things always turn out and I will always come out on top. This is just my view of life. I have learned a great deal through the kind of things I train in and coach. Dp you teach people how to cope with gut wrenching heartbreak?
I don't teach people specifically about gut wrenching heartbreak, but high stress is dealt with in the body and mind in a lot of the same ways. My body effects my mind and visa versa. The stress can be from a number of different factors in your life and heartbreak is definitely one of them. One of the ways to learn how to cope well under stress and to deal with the negative thoughts that come with it are under circumstances of high stress, especially when there is a possibility that you can be physically hurt. I know this isn't going into much depth, but it is what I do and deal with often not only with my clients, but I go through the same processes as well, which gives me a much deeper foundation to coach from.
I would like to know what your advice is to my most recent things going on with my wife. I find it is best to not say anything at all to her unless I know what direction I want to go, so as of right not I have not responded to any of her last 4 texts. In my head I have thought of saying. There is nothing more then what I want to do is communicate with my wife and to talk about things so I can better understand how I did things wrong. I just don't know what you want from me right now. Think of how you interacted with me in the last few days. I completely understand that you had plans and it was OK for you not to see me, but just leave it at that. Why ask to call me and then continually put it off over and over again and then ultimately not call. Then to text me when I am flying back home and tell me you are sitting there just thinking about things. You have said you were thinking about me in numerous texts. What does that mean? What more do you want from me? You already sent the divorce papers and I have to get a lawyer to help me understand it all. I told you once before that you don't give up on the people the you love and love you back. As of now you have completely abandoned everyone that is around me. You have no intention of ever coming back or to even talk about things to help me understand, so what is the point to it all?
If you still see something between us, now is the time to say. You are scared that I won't change. It's already to late for that and you will never know what kind of positive changes I have made unless you make the choice to fight for what you love. Trials and tribulations like this serve to make us both a better spouse and to make the marriage one that we are both happy with and proud of. You make it sound as if our relationship was terrible and I was terrible and if that's how you truly feel then just let it be done. I'm through trying and I am moving on with my life. It may not be now, but someday I hope you will realize that I was a true love and I planned on being the best man of your life.
