WAW, is there hope?

[KGuy]

Been lurking on here awhile and posting some advice when i can help. Have been through most of Cadet's links and ordered the DB & DR book as well as started reading whatever i could find online for awhile now. I had started to write up a summary, but it turned into a book. Saw someone had bullets, so i will try and make it shorter that way.

-Marriage 4 years, together 10
-After Marriage , W insisted we move into a house we buy together, both our other houses require some work to fix up to sell. We compromised on the house features, but she mainly got what was on her list of features
-W has 3 kids (S17, S14, D12) from a separate marriage (that marriage broke up when the youngest was ~18 mo. Those kids lived with us.
-I have 1 D20 from another marriage who does not live with us
-There have always been kid issues between us. Typically mixed family stuff but we worked through, although not perfectly from either side.
-After Marriage, we had a Daughter (now 3.5) together
-Although closer to sell/rent, her house has her Mom in it o i concentrate on trying to get my house in shape
-At the beginning of Marriage, I spend quite a bit of time on my house trying to fix it to rent/sell as we are levered pretty good to get the house together.
-when 1st Daughter was ~1.5 y/o we had serious problems and wife wanted a divorce, i pushed for MC which we did. I basically found out what she wanted and gave it to her (mostly). We went to MC (2 different ones) and worked out differences.
-Most likely differences were solved because we were once again expecting. 2nd Daughter now 18mo
-W has been attending classes. In trying to figure out what was going on, i read some disturbing things in her class notes that led me to believe she has been planning divorce for quite some time. The (2nd) MC has confirmed this.
-Problems with Marriage throughout last half of 2016. These generally came and went (could time them to the month), but got worse as the year ended, then went to separate BR the first of this year.
-W wants to end Marriage again and wants to go to MC for "exit strategy". I refuse and will only go if we work to wards Marriage.
-MC sessions begin to turn to "exit strategy", after stressing i only was there if we were working to be together, i finally walk out in the last 15 minutes of the last one where she is discussing how she would leave (move in with her Mom's temporarily, then find a house and buy it (more on that later)
-when 2nd Daughter was 13 mo, wife was very insistent on breast feeding. almost to the point of terror if she didn't on one or two occasions
-had an argument 3/16/17 which involved a struggle between us where W assaults me. Ending situation W moves out to her Mom's (next door)
-W cut communication, i tried to talk to her to reason with her and work it out, but effectively she cut all lines of communication
-Turns out the W filed next day, but i wasn't served until i started a Parent-Child suit (only, no divorce filed on my part) to get access to the youngest which i was denied any time other than a couple hours at a time. I had the 3 y/o however. My screw up here was telling MIL something was coming.
-served with D 3/24/17 and things move quick from there
-4/13/13 1st mediation meant to be for Temporary orders, W goes for a final order. Not to her liking though so we stalemate because she wants more money
-I prepare for worst with Lawyer and prepare for Temporary hear on 4/18/17. W and her L come up with another offer and postpone the trial and again want to mediate.
-5/12/17 we once again mediate. Come to an agreement for D that includes reasonable visitation and not so unreasonable -i now have draft finalized "final" divorce decree, but haven't had the heart to go through it thoroughly to ensure it is correct. I don't want this. W seems set on it.
-W has put allot of effort into her house and just got it on the market
-in the mediated agreement, i get the marital house, and have been trying to straighten it up from how it was left and also have been working on my house to sell it.


Thats all the highlights. After she moved out (and before), I did a few things opposite of the "rules" like buy mother's day flowers (she also sent a card over from the D3). I have been a little upset at this and basically trying to recuperate ii stayed home. Since she lives next door, she surely has seen that i didn't GAL.

When not with the kids, I've been trying to GAL now though by focusing on getting the properties in shape, i went to a divorce support class, reconnected with some guy friends at work (and also some other friend)s, and am starting to join groups. After sulking, i'm now able to communicate a little better with W ( i was very short with her and got annoyed when she still tried to tell me what to do with the kids).

Its my theory that, although there are some serious underlying issues that we worked through not perfectly (on both sides), W is (and was 2 years ago) suffering from a breast feeding withdrawal as well as a newly mobile baby. She has issues with:
-the house was a mess.
-I had spent quite a bit of time away from the house to get things done with the other property when the 1st D was young. I tried to take over once i got there, but not enough i know.
-I would get home late from work and although i basically took over all the things required for the kids, it may have been less than she wanted
-My work took me away from house on occasion causing issues (usually came back to a mad W)
-She thought i was too strict on her children requiring them to pick up after themselves. She said they hated me (except the youngest which i think of as my own daughter).

Of course i have counters and justifications for all the above, but i realize that it alienated her and i didn't compensate enough.

Now, here we are almost four months after her filing and our 4 year marriage (10 year relationship) will be gone it appears. My head is spinning still. I liked the quote i keep seeing bounce around here that the old marriage is over, but the possibilities that a new marriage would begin sounds good to me. I've pretty much resigned myself that the marriage will be ended since it is moving so quickly, but have hopes that she will possibly come around after the baby funk is all gone or that she'll realize that we could afford the things she wants because we were a team. I'm now unsure if i want the latter to be a reason for her coming back, but i do still care about her and almost hope for any reason. In the end, i am sad for how this will affect my 2 daughters. I flip flop though and sometimes just tell myself i could do better as she can be pretty self centered (even without the baby funk) and has issues. Still I married her and even now still feel devoted to her. I feel that she effectively is sick and i want to honor the vows i made before God, in particular "in sickness and in health".

I was doing pretty good with applying what i've learned both here (all the links Cadet puts in right after someone posts), other forums, and some books I've gotten so far. I was of the mindset that what happens happens and all i can do is improve myself and if we are meant to be, the ball is in her court. However, today i saw one of our neighbors at the community 4th event that the W is good friends with today and i couldn't help myself to blurt out things that really showed my hand (things like i was hoping for the marriage back, that the MC agreed with me, etc.). Any advice is welcome of course and i'm sure this may be to condensed to get a full picture (then again maybe the more i know, the more i myself justify).