1.5x3.5 gave me a laugh (I'm familiar with the suit).
My status:
1. Basically NC with STBXW for two weeks now. She tries to talk to me. I don't bite unless it's about D. I actually got a text asking "why are you so angry with me?" That made me even more angry, and I just want to yell, but it's not worth it, anymore. Divorce should be final in less than three weeks. Wanting the fantasy has been burned out of me.
2. D is starting to show signs that this is getting to her. She likes talking about how brave she is that she doesn't cry. When she does cry, it's the saddest thing ever. I had to hold her this week and she begged me to "please marry mommy." Made me like STBXW even less. On Tuesday, we went out for dinner. Getting out of the car, she was mad at me and threatened to "beat me to death." I told her that we don't EVER talk to anyone else like that, under any circumstances. When I asked her who had told HER that, her answer was "mommy." Made me like STBXW even less.
3. GF and I are back together. I still have work to do on me. She still has work to do getting through her hurt and anger over Father's Day. We both agree that we cannot do that work for each other, and that we both need to do our work. It's going well. I realize that no one here has a high opinion of this choice, but I'm not changing this one.
4. In NJ visiting family this week. REALLY looking forward to it. Not having family near is tough on many levels. I haven't been "home" in about three years.
5. Birthday was Thursday. Should have been, by all rights, a terrible day. No presents, no cake, no one singing happy birthday, just D and I out to dinner by ourselves at her favorite restaurant (which is actually a nice restaurant and not anywhere you'd expect a six year old to love). Instead of being awful, though, it was great. I got birthday greetings from all over the world (literally), and a stack of handmade cards from GF, with instructions to open one every 30 minutes. They ran from the time I woke up until the time I pick D up from school in the afternoon. Some (most) were punny, some were sweet, a couple were romantic, one or two were risque. No one has done anything that nice for me since Bill Clinton was president. Spent the weekend with GF and some of her extended family that were visiting. Being in a large group of strangers is usually a recipe for me to either shut down or end up exhausted after burning all of my energy being social. Instead, I had a GREAT time. Can honestly say that this is the best birthday I've had in decades, and probably the best weekend I've had in even longer.
We had a "biggest loser" contest at work, which ended Friday. In the last 9 weeks, I've dropped 24.8lbs, 8ish% of my body weight. I'm 3lbs shy of being down 90lbs since all of this started.
GAL goes ok. I started writing again, which I haven't done in years. It'll be something I can read to D when it's finished. She liked the first chapter quite a bit. Writing replaced flying in my GAL plan for now (anxiety + depression = grounded pilot). Soccer goes ok when weather cooperates. Skipped this week and next due to travel. It makes me feel fantastic (not during... I want to DIE during).
I'm being a good dad. D gets her friend times, and her homework time, and I cook for her three nights a week (we have one daddy-daughter date night normally. Two this week because of birthday), make her lunch everyday. We read together every night. Quality time will pick up end of this month when I start getting her on weekends sometimes (I won't get her 3rd because divorce won't be final yet, but I will get her 5th weekend because there is one). I'm looking to having some great times with my kid.
Trying to find a little more "me" time to help with GAL and self improvement.
My C told me not to read the suggested book, that there was nothing to be gained in doing so.
TL;DR: For the first time in quite a while, I'm almost fully functional, actually KNOW what I'm doing, and am not afraid of my future.
TL;DR: For the first time in quite a while, I'm almost fully functional, actually KNOW what I'm doing, and am not afraid of my future.
I reread that and actually cringed at the hubris.
Rephrase: I'm believe that I am a lot more functional than I was, feel like I know what I'm doing, and am not afraid of my future. I'm happy with the trajectory I appear to be on, and believe I'm doing the best for both me and my daughter.
It's been nearly two weeks since you've posted an update. I know it's rough to get hit with the 2x4s but we are still willing to try to help you if you are open to it. At least an update would be nice.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Trip to NJ to see family was pretty good. I had some bad moments (thinking about how D and I were there by ourselves, which was New and Different). I did a LOT of walking (went for a ~3 mile walk every evening) which helped with stress and made me feel good physically). GF and I talked a LOT in the evenings, she came on my walks via phone.
I haven't seen D since we got back from NJ. She's been with her mother since last Sunday. I won't see her until tomorrow evening. I'm missing her like crazy, but it seemed fair to me that STBXW got some time with her like that (our parenting plan says we each get two whole non-contiguous weeks every summer, so I'm going to have to get used to this anyway) so I told her to keep D through her (STBXW's) birthday, which is today.
Divorce should be final a week from tomorrow. STBXW is demanding things from me. I'm being called a liar, I'm being treated like I'm screwing her over (I'm not). I'm pretty sure it's just an attempt to manipulate me some more. I can't wait for the legal part to be over.
Played some soccer yesterday, the heat was awful and I felt like I wanted to die. Took me a few hours after I finished playing before I felt "ok."
Things with GF are going great. She actually came with me to soccer (though she didn't play... pretty sure that's not on her agenda).
D called me in tears a few minutes ago (probably why I'm writing this now) saying she missed me and wanted me to come pick her up tonight, which I obviously can't do since it's STBXW's birthday. She's cried a lot when I've talked to her over the last week. A couple of times, I've heard her mother yelling at her for it. I Don't think she treats our child well, and it breaks my heart.
Aww, East, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. My 2 munchkins are leaving for theis seaside vacation with their mother tomorrow and I am not going to see them for at least a week. I am missing them already...
Divorce should be final a week from tomorrow. STBXW is demanding things from me. I'm being called a liar, I'm being treated like I'm screwing her over (I'm not). I'm pretty sure it's just an attempt to manipulate me some more. I can't wait for the legal part to be over.
Boy can I relate! My XW was actually pretty calm and collected right up to the D. Then suddenly she acted like I was trying to rip her off. In the 11th hour she added a bunch of new stipulations to the paperwork that SHE had drawn up, and when I asked for an explanation of where the numbers came from she sent incomprehensible gibberish and went postal when I asked to sit down to go over it. After we finally signed on the dotted line she calmed down again and has never been that way towards me since, so I don't know where that came from. So hang in there, the craziness may just be temporary.
Quote:
D called me in tears a few minutes ago (probably why I'm writing this now) saying she missed me and wanted me to come pick her up tonight, which I obviously can't do since it's STBXW's birthday.
At that age they're kind of all over the place. She'll cry to you on the phone and then hang up and 5 minutes later be playing a game with your W. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless she starts acting out in other ways, if she does then consider a C for her. My S would always cry about having to go to his mom's on our handoff days, but then once he was there then everything was fine.
So... STBXW got her stuff, and tried to take some of mine (washer/dryer). When I refused to allow her to take them, she called the police. After initially trying to talk me into allowing STBXW to take the washer/dryer, the deputies agreed that, based on the martial dissolution agreement (which I had a notarized copy of) they were mine and she couldn't.
My daughter got to witness all of this. My mind is blown that she was there at all. At one point, she asked me, in tears, "Daddy, why is mommy stealing our things?" and also told me, in tears, "Daddy, I'm never going to see you again." And the ever wonderful, "Daddy, are you going to go to jail?"
STBXW followed up with some really, really long texts accusing me of screwing her in the divorce, suggesting that I did her wrong by adopting our daughter, and even that I somehow screwed her over when we got married. Did not bother to respond.
25 hours or so and this should be over. I'mworried that it might not be (don't know what she's going to do but she SAYS she is coming to court).
