I'm finishing up some last minute projects on the house and hope to have it on the market in about a week. It's sad leaving the home we started as a family and where we began to raise our daughters. However, I'm excited about the new life and opportunity the city we are moving to will provide our daughters. I'm still having a rough time with the death of my friend. I cry a lot in the shower and my commute to and from work. Eerily familiar to a previous life crisis. When I started my recovery from drugs and alcohol, my dad died suddenly. When it happened, I felt it was something I never would recover from and couldn't see the light. Between the likely divorce to my wife, selling our house and moving to another city, the death of my best friend, and false allegations of drug use at work, I feel like I have taken some serious lumps lately. I am certain I will not only survive, but grow stronger from my experience. It is an exercise in psychological stress resistance.
Relationship is OK. We have a separation agreement in place, but my wife has not mentioned progressing to divorce. I have been reading a lot, going for hikes, and spending much more time with the kids. Unfortunately, a lot of my free time is tied up in getting our house ready for sale. I'm looking forward to finally having some more free time top enjoy myself in the coming weeks.
I do not bring our relationship up anymore, my wife frequently does. I really have picked up on a lot of temperature checking. She sends me listings of houses in the city we are moving that neither of us can afford, what type of woman do I see myself with in the future, etc. One question she asked that I answered was interesting. She asked if i would want to get back with her. I answered truthfully, yes and no. I think we both still love each other, we are both still best friends, we have a lot of the same dreams and goals in life, and our family would benefit long term if we could right the ship. i told her certain things would also have to change. She has some unresolved anger that she still needs to work on, she can be overly critical when she gets angry, and attempts to be controlling. I told her I think a lot of our problems are interconnected and play off of each other. We only know one dance and we default to it when trouble arises. Our relationship would only work if we change ourselves and how we interact with each other. She seemed very surprised that I came out and said what I truly felt. She then said, "Well, don't worry, I don't think I want to get back with you anyway." I chuckled inside.
She has increased physical touch with me. Hugging me more often, cuddling, asking me to squeeze her neck. We still ML one to two times a week, which is actually on pace with what it had been in our last year of marriage. I sleep over periodically, sometimes in the MBR, sometimes on the couch. We have gone out to eat a few times without the kids and went to the movies the other night. I try not to initiate any touching (I do at times) but always respond kindly to it. Would it be considered pursuant if i initiate physical touch more?
I would really like her to seek IC but don't think she'll respond well if I suggest it. She holds onto a lot of anger and resentment from childhood and quite frankly our relationship. i think it would really help her to move forward in her life either with or without me. Any ideas on if or how i should approach her re: independent therapy.
