Here again part 9

[Zues126]

So hes not on the couch every night. He comes when he wants and the same nights every week Mon Tues Thurs he is gone not coming home. On the nights he comes here he doesnt show up until 8,9,10pm On the nights he doesnt come home he leaves work by 5pm. So thats why I belieeve hes just coming here to say hes here. Much like MC, he already said we went 3 times and it didnt work. Im done, the only way Ill go back is if its to discuss how to handle separating with the kids.

I stand corrected on the details. The point is that you continue to mindread.

I love cadence's and some of the others' advice about picturing WH wanting you to start something so he can validate his decision, and if that narrative helps you, great...but here's the thing- that's still more mind reading.

We don't know if WH wants you to snap at him so he can validate his own decision.
We don't know if he wants to make himself feel better about leaving.
These are all stories we are making up.

If they help you, then great. Use them for a bit. But it's very, very, very important to learn to recognize reality from your own personal narrative because your instrument panel is going to be reading haywire for a while.

So is this an opportunity for me to say something like that or do I just not respond? I have this URGE for him to stop giving me these ridiculous stories. I'm sorry that all the women you're surrounding yourself with have been married and divorced many times and have 3+ children (the boss and her daughters) by all different fathers. I am an educated woman and am not as dumb as those that you surround yourself with.

I want to speak from a sense of power. A sense of H - I am not going to listen to your BS anymore.

But I need to do this as an action and not a reaction. So any help is appreciated.

Instead of trying to change HIS behavior and not have him tell you things you don't believe, why don't you simply change YOUR behavior and not let it get to you? Seriously.

Call him a liar and there will be a grain of truth in what he's saying that allows him to make you look like the crazy paranoid one that's in the wrong.

Just let it go T0. It's not being a doormat. It's detaching. My XW says all kinds of things that I just shrug off. It took practice. But you can only control you.