LiM: One Year into Piecing

[LiM]

Update on my situation:

Didn't get to go sky diving yet.
Was riding my bike and got hit by a car. Totaled my bike but somehow, I am completely fine except for a minor concussion.
Went on my trip to Germany with my W and had a good time. I can't say that the time alone allowed us to reconnect and bond on some incredible level but we had a good time and we enjoyed each others company. My W's comment after the trip was that "we make a good team."

I was waiting till today (had appt with IC) to discuss my W's seeing OM at the track and the text messages she sent to friends and NOT telling me about any of it. My plan was to get some feedback from my IC and then have a conversation with my W where I simply told her how it made me feel. Unfortunately, last week we had an argument about something unrelated and it came out. It wasn't pretty. It was ugly.

Things have settled down since then and I intend to have another conversation with her tonight where I simply tell her how it makes me feel to know that she didn't tell me about seeing him and about how the things she said to friends makes me feel. I don't intend for it to turn into an argument. It will be how I intended it to go initially.

My W did leave me a letter in my car this morning that I found when I left for work. She explained that the reason she didn't tell me was because the encounter happened the day before my birthday and she didn't want to upset me. I don't know if that's really true. There was one other time where OM showed up at the same location as my W and she DID tell me about it and it was not upsetting. In fact, I thanked her for telling me and told her how much I appreciated her honesty. So based on my past behavior, she had no reason to think I would be upset. So I doubt that is the real reason she didn't tell me. My gut says hit had to do more with the feelings she experienced when seeing him.

Anyways, we'll have a talk tonight and we'll see how it goes. I really don't know what is going to happen in our R. I love my W and want more than anything to find a way past this. I don't know if either of us has what it takes.