So hes not on the couch every night. He comes when he wants and the same nights every week Mon Tues Thurs he is gone not coming home. On the nights he comes here he doesnt show up until 8,9,10pm On the nights he doesnt come home he leaves work by 5pm. So thats why I belieeve hes just coming here to say hes here. Much like MC, he already said we went 3 times and it didnt work. Im done, the only way Ill go back is if its to discuss how to handle separating with the kids.
Hi Cadence, thanks as always for your words. I need to stop reacting and just ACT first.
Okay so here we go... going to lean heavily on ya'll to help me then.
I text H today just as a feeler letting him know he got a package. I haven't text'd him first since he moved out almost 3 weeks ago except the one text about the baby's dr appt.
Me: Hey, you got a package here today. S6 swears its for him haha H: Oh ya, I'll get it tomorrow it's a tshirt I got for my boss (the female he is living with). I'll be staying at her house tonight. I am getting up early and working at another shop tomorrow morning. Me: oh okay, my mom said she thought she saw you when she was leaving the grocery store (my mom lives right by where his bos s lives) H: Ya that probably was me, I just got to her house. I'm building a crib for her (her other daughter is the one who's baby shower he went to) and then I have to be at the shop at 6AM for the other shop manager to let me in.
I don't plan on replying but PART of me wanted to be sarcastic and say how thoughtful of you, or you're such a nice guy to do that so her boyfriend doesn't have to. HENCE I don't believe for a second he's building a crib. This daughter doesn't even live with the mom, so he's going to build the crib at her house and transport it put together to the house she lives at? Really, I've had 3 kids and know how it goes. This is what he did last time - anything and everything for the boss family just to get in on the good side.
So is this an opportunity for me to say something like that or do I just not respond? I have this URGE for him to stop giving me these ridiculous stories. I'm sorry that all the women you're surrounding yourself with have been married and divorced many times and have 3+ children (the boss and her daughters) by all different fathers. I am an educated woman and am not as dumb as those that you surround yourself with.
I want to speak from a sense of power. A sense of H - I am not going to listen to your BS anymore.
But I need to do this as an action and not a reaction. So any help is appreciated. I thought about sending a text at some point this week, Hey H, keep an eye on your email, I am sending you a proposed schedule for the boys. Please let me know what you think. Thanks!
I am no longer going to in the schedule be asking him to stay the night. I will set up every other weekend he can take the boys. He can have them overnight if he has his OWN place or chooses to stay at my moms. If not I was thinking since hes paying the house I may leave and go stay the weekend away and he can stay here with the kids. During the week I was going to list 2-3 nights a week he could take the boys. I'm not sure how that will work. He won't want to take them overnight because he has work and doesn't want to drive back and forth but I think I should still offer it as part of the plan because that will be what a real schedule just may look like.
So anyone with any advice on how to start standing up, being less of a doormat, not putting up with his [censored], I'm all ears.
IF he put half as much effort into being a part of OUR family as he does the boss's family I wouldn't even be having this conversation in the first place. He is so concerned with EVERYONE else but us. He hasn't once asked about buying groceries, doesn't ask about the baby, NOTHING. Yet he can go to a baby shower, build cribs, etc... not that I necessarily believe that but he never once went to ONE of my baby showers.
