Your showing him it was ok without him because it WAS ok.
The only reason you say "That makes me feel like I'm telling him it was OK to be off with OW and not with his kids if that makes sense?" - Is because your heart is beginning to creep in again.
I assume you didnt marry a complete idiot, so he will know what he should be doing. Its not your job to make him realise it. Thats his
He was asking me about work and I was a little dishonest but he doesn't need to know that, he was really inquisitive and I was friendly enough but vague. He then said 'I'm a bit out of the loop as I haven't really spoken to you' OMG! I kept it upbeat and he asked permission to go to football I said of course you can go there's no need to ask permission but what are your plans. He said he would bring the kids back and leave after S is in bed if that was OK? I said I didn't know what time I would be back from work and that was fine. He then said well we need to talk really, we can still talk 'BABE'!!!! I said we're talking now a bit jokey he said yes I know but it would nice to have a proper chat later. Not for me it won't but I know what I have to do and I will not be drawn in especially with the kids in the house. He has to start early tomorrow but did suggest that if he didn't he would have stayed, I didn't respond to this as it's now not an issue.
My heart is pounding but I did it!
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
I agree with Benni8 here. I have the problem that I constantly see my WW due to us sharing custody of our boys, what I do notice is the push-backs I receive. What I mean is sometimes everything seems to be going in a more positive direction and then all of a sudden bang they go back to their old behaviour patterns. Why? To justify their feelings for the AP/LO, just be prepared for the conversation and look into "charging neutral" this will help you stay in control if it doesn't pan out how we all want it to for you.
I feel you are beginning to see some results from your new outlook on how to best manage your situation, all good. I know you won't back slide into bad habits.
Stay strong and keep up the good DR'ing.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
Thank you you're helping massively but I am actually not expecting anything but more of the same from the alien. The man I am talking to currently is not my H and may never be again. The reason I feel positive is because I actually managed to get through a telephone conversation acting as if and it actually wasn't that difficult after such a positive weekend for me and the kids. Not even sure if I was acting as if, yes there were so many things I could have said to him but I couldn't be bothered it says more by not saying what he is expecting.
I have done a lot of clearing I the house this morning, done all the ironing and later this afternoon I am going to pick up my boys new bike, get my nails done and do some food shopping. The slight dishonesty was that I told him I was at work so would be back late, I didn't want him thinking that I was off wallowing in self pity. He knows how tough the work sitch is but that's my responsibility and absolutely nothing to do with him right now, it's my job not his and doesn't affect him or the children except positively for the kids as I'm around more. I am technically still employed and on redundancy consultation but pushing for a settlement agreement with another idiot who isn't playing ball despite the damage I could do to his business and his personal life. My boss is in hiding thinking it will all just go away and it won't.
I hold the cards in both situations and much I would only like to have to be dealing with one at time that's not an option I have. In some ways dealing with both is worse but in others it means I have to put my business head on and push on because on both fronts it's about me and the kids first and foremost.
Keep you posted, thanks again.
SJ x
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
Should have said my nanny is still employed until the end of July so she will pick the kids up from school and bring them home then take them to football where he will meet them. She's a great girl and has known my kids all their lives, she worked at the nursery they went to from babies and has been our nanny for 2 1/2 years. She was leaving anyway at the end of July and we were looking at alternatives but with me not working in the near future that's not an issue. How long that can continue depends on my settlement from work and getting another job earning what I need isn't that simple. That said I have lots of contacts and options so I'm not overly concerned about finances right now just need to get the work thing sorted so it's one less thing whizzing around my brain :-)
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
I know the consultation period can last a long time (90 days) is there much you can do to manage the outcome..? It's surprising how much these two situations in your life can be managed in much the same way! I feel for you as it must be very difficult hang in there.
When all seems to get on top of you remember to go back to the basics and get that DR book back out it will serve as a reboot and put you back on track, I do this all the time especially when I'm alone.
Remember you're strong and fully committed, keep working on you and be patient.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
As I said I hold the cards. I've been MD for 2 years so I know stuff that could blow his business out of the water. Not what I want that's not the kind of person I am but I'm fighting for me and my kids so got to continue pushing for a settlement agreement on that basis. The quicker I'm free of that placed the better which is so sad because I've worked so hard and put it before my M and my kids at times and this is the thanks I get.
Never mind onwards and upwards!
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
Currently hiding at my friends until it gets late enough to go home and not spend too much time with him. Cowardly and stupid I know but I need to build my strength. I dressed business like as if I've been at work so it's a bit like a suit of armour. I would normally go home and get my PJ's on but I'm going to put a pair of jeans on and unpack the shopping I picked up 'on the way home from work'
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
