advice please

[CW2017]

Hi all
it's been a while without any update (apologies!) but the main thing to report was that I confronted using all the amazing tools I have picked up from these boards.

Note I have confronted rather than exposed. I did make the mistake of sharing my experiences with one of the other more gung ho infidelity boards, but my reluctance to expose (my choice) resulted in myself getting roundly abused so I won't be going back there again.

My lawyer (being a family specialist) is all for keeping things as amicable as possible especially at the divorce stage so I went with her wishes about the OW. If needs be later on if you remember all my evidence is electronic and can therefore be emailed to the OW.

A lot was said in the conversation including the topic of splitting/divorce and dividing things up. I did say I was prepared to let her go and she could go to him and bring it all out in the open but she said that would not happen as he would not be leaving his wife so we would both end up on our own (which may still happen of course). I was not surprised she downplayed how "deep" it is but she did admit it was addictive. I told her that if this is BS I will find out and also that I did not trust her yet.

In the following week she kept saying she had made a massive mistake and could I forgive her. I said to her that she probably fell in love with him (knowing full well it was a mix of love and lust). Guess this could be regret rather than actual remorse.

Not sure if this is encouraging but she readily agreed to marriage counselling. We are having individual meetings before the joint sessions. Having read opinions fron Sandi and others I appreciate this could just be some sort of internal validation for her and I should be able to sense if she is just playing lip service. I was advised by the lawyer that I should stop snooping on the cell phone messages as it will destroy me but she did say that I could check a couple of weeks or so later to see how committed she is.

The red flag (which I expected) was that she did not want to give up her job (it pays very well and the UK is f****d for jobs not that I am making excuses for her) but she knows the score.

I finally decided to check the texts the other night as a one off to see how things really stand (no need to do it any more so that obsessive aspect has now gone if it was indeed truly obsessive on my part). It was intriguing as it was a running commentary on the confrontation conversation. As an example, she said to him she should really quit her job (so she was actually listening to me). She even asked him if they could go back to how it was before the affair but he of course played her. The reluctance to leave her job will be my main focus in the counselling sessions whether she is playing me like a violin or not.

So I have no idea what's next and whether she's still prepared to carry it on within the fog in full knowledge she will rip her family apart. Just got the small matter of the 20th anniversary and the expensive foreign holiday to get through (the latter is purely for my daughter's benefit).

At least I now have the divorce mindset if it comes to it and believe me that is a breakthrough on the personal front in terms of moving out of infidelity. What a ***** tragedy.