Budding

[mustardseed]

It has been a while. The divorce is final and I feel good about it. I have been trying to compose a thank you letter to my lawyer who really did such a fantastic job of validating while putting things into perspective. He never sunk to dirty levels and stuck to his ethics--while they buried themselves in game playing.

I will say I am so much happier now then I have been in a long time.

There is loneliness. I have been dating to get out of the house, meet new people, and try new things--but I am still not ready to try and find a partner and at this point in time I'm not sure I will ever be. But that is ok.

I still have some demons I am still working through. I still don't accept Ex's R with OW. I tolerate it, but I don't allow myself to be exposed to it. I deal with him, not her. And when people ask I am honest. No reason to pretend for the sake of the comfort of others. For the sake of the kids I keep things civil. Don't need them choosing sides. They are the ones who still have to deal with their father's moodiness and ego, and they don't need to have to worry about my feelings while they are navigating his moods.

In a separate post I will post an letter I wrote (not sent) to try and unpack the things I wish I could say to her.