Count on ups and downs (IV)

[WillDo]

The mood has again been good. As a family, we went to the flat and gave it a good clean and had lunch there. Looked at options for renting out for 2 months. For one tenant I hoped she had said even a year. I was mistaken.

The theme of the book is love yourself first. Have your priorities met first. One other point that is making sense is toxic shame that you feel when you know things are wrong and how you conceal that wrong behaviour. You say different things to people. You aren't really nice.

My very first therapy tackled all these and I always think this how I build my current relationship. I dipped back into the blackhole of depression again. While feeling everything was OK, as Michele nicely puts W must have been doing an escape plan. Nice guys are caretakers. W did caretaking. Maybe that was too nice for her and felt self had gone.

My head wants to switch to begging mode. The interaction is good. Darn. I at one point looked unhappy. She asked me what is bothering. I said I felt very thirsty. Toxic shame. Now that is the dilemma of the teachings for me. Validating, boundries, detachment, last resort technique and Mr Nice Guy.