On Higher Ground

[HaWho]

Thanks all.

Andrew - hmm, I don't see myself as a person who gave up long ago. As for why I am here, I do believe people can have bad years and in the end that time (painful as it is) can be a blip. I know something is wrong with him. And lastly, he stood for years through my depression and he tried very hard to help. Situations are complicated.

If we didn't have kids I think I would still stand. But I think that would be moot. I think sans children he'd be a vanisher. The only thing that keeps him here is that his dad walked off and he knows that pain, intimately. He vowed he'd never do that to his kids.

Roist, Gordie, WillDo and Job, thanks. Job, I know you are right. The future is mine to build. And speaking of which, hi Mleigh! The support is appreciated.

Well, the brat is out in full force. The behavior is similar to preBD and how he was acting 1 1/2 - 2 years ago. Basically, since I questioned the finances he's been trying to gaslight me. Unfortunately, we see each other so little, there just aren't that many opportunities. He sent me a nasty text hours after that conversation on Father's Day telling me we wouldn't be discussing finances again. And the reason is that I asked him how much he is spending per month and he played dumb. I told him there was too much money going out the door. He tried to show me it was all legit but when he ran through some numbers, he soon saw that yep, the only unknown is his spending. I know my spending, the expenses and the money that is coming in, so it's easy to see his amount.

Since then he's been gunning for a fight. There's nothing to fight about. We are cordial and I stay out of his way.

S11 hurt his knee and couldn't go to camp for a few days. H asked s if he was going. The day before s11 had told me he was nervous to tell h his knee still hurt because maybe his dad would be dispappointed in him. Guess it's that male machismo thing. I reassured s that h would not be and that he wanted him to heal.

So I said I think s won't go because s seemed hesitant to say it. H asked why s didn't say so sooner. And I opened my big mouth and said he was worried h would be upset with him. And with that h had his fight. He said we were trying to make him out to be a villain and some kind of camp tyrant. I started to explain that s was scared to disappoint him but h huffed off before I could. And with that he had his reason for a snit.

And in that snit he's been. He has been ignoring me since Thursday. I sent him a text about the kids and he ignored me. I thought maybe he was busy. He sent me an email but it was to a group of people so maybe I was accidentally included? Not sure. I was polite and answered. He did not respond. I said goodbye and hello when I came in on Thursday and he ignored me so I stopped trying. Friday he ignored me, too.

So this morning I woke up early. He was already in his creepy corner. I said nothing and neither did he. So stupid. I took a long walk and when I returned he was in the dorm room. He left and asked the kids if they wanted to come. He knows they'll say no. But he looks good trying. And off he went for the whole day just like full on replay.

The good news? I didn't pay it any attention. I had a productive day. I ran errands for s11, dropped s13 off at a friend's, cleaned the house, walked the dog, listened to music and danced w the dog. (He loves to dance!). He returned at dinner time. I am looking forward to seeing if he runs around tonight just like he used to do; maybe he is going back to his old schedule MLC schedule? Hah!

I know he wanted to have an excuse to explode. I do think that maybe he's gunning for a reason to move out. I think he'd love to say "your mom is too disrespectful to me for me to live here any longer." I think he may be trying to line up a reason to be the victim and yet standing up for himself at the same time.

S's knee is better and I had a great day. It's nice to have a long weekend to catch up on housework and errands. It's a gorgeous day here!