T0, it seems to me like you're trying to honor your instincts and the advice you're getting all at the same time, but they don't line up. And that's the struggle you're having and why you're having trouble grasping and accepting the advice you're receiving.
With every relationship ending, the person who didn't want it to end has their heart screaming at them with certain ways to make it stop. Unfortunately for those in that situation, our hearts are total morons.
We have evidence on what will make a WH or WAH question his decision, and we know it is unlikely to happen quickly. And those things tend to the exact opposite of what our moron heart is screaming at us to do. Those outside the situation are not confused about our path to best accomplish our goals, because our moron hearts can't type or call them.
That's part of the reason I've been urging you to start advising others. So that you can see their confusion, and what their idiot hearts are telling them to do versus what would actually be helpful for them in accomplishing their goals. I think your confusion would lessen if you'd take the step to help others. Just as you receive advice and benefit from it, others could be helped by your words. So it's also got the benefit of volunteerism, and a larger purpose outside of yourself.
We've told you again and again that H is not going to reverse course quickly (and if he does, it's not something to be trusted) and to start thinking of yourself. I believe your heart is reading this and telling you not to do that, and just love him more, and draw him closer, and bring the baby to him, and and and and.
But your heart, like my heart, is an idiot. (Sorry, hearts. You're good in other ways, but you are quite challenged after BD.)
I also still see very clear patterns with you with anxiety, insecurity, and the feeling of not being enough without H. I wonder if you've thought about IC for yourself, because these aren't things that are permanent to your character, and they aren't things that cannot be overcome.
