But how does he feel I'm moving on from him when we're still around.
Worry less about what he thinks and more about what you think. That's what you're being told over and over, but you still want to spend time mind-reading, with an assumption that this could turn around quickly if you just new the "right" thing to do. But you also know, logically, that's not correct. So it's a matter of your logic overruling your emotions, and learning to self-soothe.
How do you feel about him being around despite having left? Spend some time on that one, instead.
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I WILLnot be inviting H. But how do I formulate a response if he asks about joining us for something this weekend?
What would a strong emotionally-stable woman in your situation do?
She'd probably be straightforward, realistic, but not biting in her response.
Something like "Look, H. You made a decision to leave, and I'm starting to feel a little frustrated that you also seem to want to keep participating in family events that you'd find fun. I don't want anger or acrimony between us, but the togetherness you're asking for is becoming too much for me. I think it would be best if you didn't go with us."
Make sense? Straightforward, honest, prioritizing oneself instead of the one who walked away, and not shielding him from consequences of his choices. You didn't invite him and there was a reason for that. It's okay to tell him that reason, and the benefit of your straightforward reply is that it's clear that you are prioritizing your feelings above his.
And making the explanation about you means you can still invite him if there are events where you feel strong enough for him to attend. If he asks why, you can just say "I invited you because I think it would be fun."
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I don't say much to MIL. About the situation or about the woman in general because of them being friends I don't want anything being shared.
Great! The more you try to control other people, the more you're falling back into bad habits. You are recognizing that the way you limit the information flow is to focus on yourself and your actions.
Let the MIL friend/H discussion wear itself out. If she's awful, the awfulness will become very apparent to H if you step out and let it happen. Time is your friend here.
The physician sounds like a lovely person and friend. The job offer sounds great, despite the commute.
