Hey Sandi, I must have missed your previous post too because we posted at the same time.
So my questions are -- what does that look like. I know you're probably sick of hearing it but until I am actually detached it is going to be faking it til I make it. I struggle with coming off as a bitch VS lovingly distancing. I know I will get to the point where I don't analyze every interaction and situation BUT I'm not there at this moment.
So as it is I don't call or text. The only text I initiated was regarding the baby's Dr appointment. Other then that no communication on my end. When he texts I wait an hour to respond normally and only respond if it's kid or bill related.
As far as him coming here -- I started saying hi and I've made a point to head out and let him be with the kids. What the hell else am I supposed to do? I know to ask nothing of him his life or his plans BUT in the same sense I want some consistency for the kids.
I will bring up a schedule in the near future probably the next week or two just not right this minute.
But how does he feel I'm moving on from him when we're still around. I'm not going away this weekend with the boys I have a test Monday but am planning a vacation away for us. We will probably go on the boat Sunday. IWILLnot be inviting H. But how do I formulate a response if he asks about joining us for something this weekend? Not saying he will --- but on the off chance he does. He already told me he had a baby shower for his boss daughter so he won't be around Saturday so I don't have to worry about that.
Anyway I'm just wondering what my interactions look like while I'm faking my detachment. What do my actions look like?
Also-- is he wayward??? I don't know? I'm not sure of an active A although the fact that he's done this before and behaves similarly -- if it walks like a duck quacks like a duck then ...
I didn't mind so much having him around us all weekend .. it is hard for me to see that we can all have fun together and be happy together as a family and he still chooses to live separately and has this new 'work family' just like last time. So allowing him to do things as a family I'm not sure. If there's OW I imagine it causes issue there and it can remind him of who I am having fun and being relaxed BUT it also hurts my heart.
I'm making some strides... haven't checked the phone bill. MIL told me he and the nasty women she had text him to reach out and 'help' are still talking a lot. MIL talks to that woman often and really thinks she's trying to 'help'. I don't say much to MIL. About the situation or about the woman in general because of them being friends I don't want anything being shared.
I had a good time last night. The physician I met with presented me with a potential job opportunity next year. It would be amazing and it's insane Monet that I never imagined making but it's an hour commute which I am trying to get away from. But no weekends no holidays no on call no nights and in the PICU which is where I'm at and what I know and love. She's a good friend and was a good friend last time H and I went through this. We spent a little time talking about it last night and she's one of the only people in my life that supports what I want. And doesn't tell me to give up if that's not what I want. She just wants the boys and I to be happy.
Anyway sorry I'm rambling. I'm always posting on my phone and it's hard to keep all my ideas thoughts and responses concise.
I guess I just really need help with my behavior my actions and my words while I'm faking it. As time progresses I know it will become natural and I won't need so much. Advice but until I get there here I am
