NYGal: Together and Doing the Work

[Sotto]

I agree about the 'feelings towards OW' area and think it is an important one to look at. Being reconciled with your W and your W still having contact with OW is a tough one for sure, and I can understand the triggers there.

For me, I rarely hear about OW and I'm grateful for that. I certainly wouldn't want to have to see her. So I guess there are still some feelings there. But in the main, I manage to take a more logical view of the situation. OW (in my case) had two A's on the trot, the second with XH, where she cheated on the first guy she had cheated with. I think it is pretty sad to live like that, and it must (mustn't it?) be hard to live with that too.

I don't think anyone (or many people) look back and think - Wow, I'm glad I cheated - even if they are in a happy relationship with their original AP, the R always started in 'that deceptive place'

I read once that demonising the AP helps us not have to deal with the difficult feelings we have towards our partner. It means we see them and ourselves as 'victims' - rather than letting all parties take responsibility for 'their part' including ourselves...

Anyway - just my thoughts - and hope there is something helpful in here for you.

Xx