So this going to be contradictory to my last post but I need some serious advice, heart is racing:
So W mentioned buying a new house. She also has been really worried about health insurance since she is not a full time worker. She has been gaining weight and sick lately. I have not snooped in almost a month but I was like what the heck, this is weird. So I looked at their FB and what do you know, they recently both liked a pregnancy center. Should I confront W over this or let it be? I've been doing night and day better but I'm afraid this will be a huge setback.
Should I confront her or should I let this go? I definitely want her still but if she's pregnant, I'm 100% out.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Yes sir they have been blocked. I logged into an older one that was made just for snooping and I seen it. I debated for 30 min to do it, and it was just like a drug luring me in to look.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Yes sir they have been blocked. I logged into an older one that was made just for snooping and I seen it. I debated for 30 min to do it, and it was just like a drug luring me in to look.
In that case, Id for sure sit on it. No point in giving up your source.
She has been gaining weight and sick lately. I have not snooped in almost a month but I was like what the heck, this is weird. So I looked at their FB and what do you know, they recently both liked a pregnancy center.
Woah. Well I would say maybe you're reading too much into it, but gaining weight and sick coupled with that little revelation, wow. You don't know for sure and I agree with Kaizen on sitting tight and not confronting her, but I think you need to prepare yourself for that as a strong possibility and ask yourself what that means to you.
Thanks for talking me off ledge. I almost came completely unglued. It appears W's OM is doing some sort of promo video for the company hence that's why they liked it. I was doing great lately and that was almost a setback if I would have confronted. W used to be 105 lbs and now she is 120 with a lot of weight on the belly. Weird stuff but maybe she is depressed and hates her life as she claims.
Thanks again, that could have gotten ugly. Feel like an idiot but it happens I suppose. Lesson learned, don't assume and stop snooping!
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
I just breezed through quickly so pardon me if I don't know everything.
I will say you need to let your W go. I know it is so much easier said then done but she KNOWS she can still have you. Nobody is saying you have to date but maybe you should be a little mysterious. Don't be so readily available to her. Maybe next time she has to stop by you're dressed up and headin out the door. You're nice but in a hurry because you have somewhere to be. No details just friendly wth a smile and wish her well on your way.
Her life will turn crappy. She may just be testing the waters to make you feel sorry for her that her life is crappy.
Don't text her. Don't call her. Let her initiate all contact. If she writes. Wait to respond. You're busy remember.. she's not a priority anymore. Maybe in doing so she might realize she wants to be a priority again
Working on it TO! I've come along way but not quite there yet! I've Distanced myself a whole heck of alot though. That pregnancy deal almost sent me back to the stone age. She still [censored] me in a little bit but I don't let it get to me much.
Always been a fan of fighting so I'm back training Jiu jitsu. Got out my comfort zone and asked my clients for referrals and they actually sent me some. The selling aspect of a CPA practice intimidates me but I'm 31 years old, I need to learn. Dusted off my CFP study materials and going to refresh myself before the exam in august. Trying to hang out with old friends. Lost 25 lbs. I'm doing ok but yeah my W sneaks in my head still quite often but I am waking up now looking forward to the journey vs waking up saying not this again.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Advise/comments on this update would be greatly appreciated. Feeling lost. Not in a sad way, but just have no idea what to do.
Wife wanted to meet up at parents last night. I was excited and ready to do this because its been awkward with her and I knew something was coming. I get there and make my usual rounds and talk to her family (They all like me a lot). We all then chat together about small talk. W asks me to go outside to talk. We go outside and stare at each other for a second and she says "Dale what do you want to do about us?". I say you already know what I want. This time I take a page from TXs handbook and lay down some boundaries. I realized that my boundaries were implicit before hand. So I explicitly laid them out if we were to make this work:
1) I will not stay married to a woman living with another man. 2) Don't come back if your going to stay wishy washy. 3) I realize this wont be easy for you to dump AP, but unless you end things then don't come back.
She then got mad and said I cant believe we are here. I stayed pretty cool and said I cant control prior history but I will try my damnest for a better future. She then said I can get any woman I want and asked why would I ever take her back because she's a piece of crap. Don't remember my exact reply but I said something to the tune of she's my wife and I love the person she used to be. She then said if we R she is going to be hyper critical of me. I understand that that may be the case in the beginning. She also tried to tell me I ruined her R with her dad because her dad still wont acknowledge her. I just said I told him the truth, nothing more nothing less. We then went back inside as if life is back to normal. I sat in the recliner and she came sit in my lap.
So Im writing this mainly because I'm stuck. I seen her last week and knew she's battling some demons (I had a setback and figured she was pregnant, enough of that haha). Last night she looked like hell ( I did not tell her that), she said she hasn't bathed in 3 days and all she does is sleep. So I don't know if I should feel sorry for her and keep going. Typically, I would be happy and feel like this is a breakthrough but have been burned too many times. I can though see that her fantasy is turning to reality.
I been doing so great with GAL, meeting new people including women, and just extremely proud of myself. Im 30 years old, no kids and starting to wonder if this is even worth it. I been lied to 100s of times, insulted a lot, and just plain crapped on. I can see a turning point is near, good or bad. Needing some inspiration to keep going. Ideally, I want to R with W and continue marriage as Im pro marriage. A year of this is sneaking up and just getting restless.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Why did you let her sit on your lap? Kind of undermines all of those boundaries you just set...
I'd say keep doing what you're doing. Usually, I find that if you don't have a clear direction, that it's best to not make any drastic moves - the path will unfold before you.
