The high road: rocky with a great view

[ciluzen]

Thank you, Andrew. I believe what you said is very true.

I have decided to put some distance between us. My NC unless he initiates plan is painful because he does initiate...but its just to make sure I'm there. Whatever is going on with him...he holds me at arms length; just enough to give me hope, which crushes me .

I have two weddings that I have RSVPed to that he was planning on going to, as well. One is his assistant's. The other is my D26's best childhood friend (I refer to her as my third child). I won't miss either wedding, but I'm rethinking my actions that set me on a direct course to spending time near him. I'm also rethinking my "need" to borrow things or use his help (even when offered). I need to take care of things myself without him being involved, as well as build up my own toolbox.

I also have decided to unfollow everyone on FB that was part of the extended "family" of friends we met through Bubbles. They will all be at the vacation home off and on this summer I'm sure. At this point I just don't have them in my life...almost no contact. I won't unfriend...they've done nothing bad, but I just don't want to see reminders. And they chose him and not me, even though we never asked them to choose. XH had the right idea...it does hurt still, but I need to protect me; he doesn't.

Learning about CBT in school, amongst other things. I need to make a habit of stopping those negative thoughts before they take over.