Me distancing has moved him further away. He hasn't asked about my day or anything related to me.
I disagree. You still seem to be expecting some sort of quick fix. Consistent distancing will see results. A week isn't consistent enough for him to trust, especially when you've got a history of it only being a matter of time until you're bringing up R talks. That tendency means that you've got to work extra hard and extra long to show consistency.
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So I'll get dressed up again and be on my way.
Good!
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Does H not even care that I get dressed up and go out? Does nothing I do even get to him? Is it really true that he just doesn't love me or care about me like a switch. I'm not sure my heart is ready to accept all of that. I remember last time I started doing this he started showing interest but now he could careless.
T0, if your feelings for someone were buried, how would you act? If you were depressed and pushing someone away, how would you feel about him getting dressed up and going out?
You probably wouldn't feel much. Or you'd say "Good, this makes me feel less guilty."
But, again, what you are going for is going to take time. Change isn't going to happen in the short term. You know that, T0.
How about a mantra? "I'm okay just as I am. I feel like I need H to be happy, to be complete, but that's just my brain and my habits. It's not real. I'm okay, even if we're not together. I'd rather try with him, but if I can't have that, I know I'll still be okay. I'll be more than okay - I'll be happy!"
