NYGal: Together and Doing the Work

[NYGal]

Just checking in. W saw our MC alone on Tuesday and said it was a good session. I haven't asked her for any specifics, just hoping that the counselor helped her see why being transparent is so important. But she still changed her password on phone and iPad at some point and hides both from me. I'm letting it go for now.
W just called to tell me that she has to email ow again about this initiative ow is working on with W's department. I'm glad she told me, as this is what I've asked for, and I thanked her and said that this will help as it's keeping with our agreement to tell me whenever there is any contact. But I gotta tell you all, this makes me very uneasy. It results from a little impropriety at our place of employment and the higher ups have asked ow to step in and help with teaching W's department about ethics and integrity. LOL!!!! We work at a crazy place. So I THINK W is trying to stay as far apart from this whole thing as she can, but I'm afraid they will be thrown together more and more.

It's not that I'm afraid they'll start their affair again. I think ow proved she really does prefer boys and all that entails... (eye roll on my part) but it's just the normalization of a relationship of any sort between them that bothers me. This ow was the homewrecker who cared nothing about our marriage and family and in particular my well-being. So for her to come in and normalize interaction with W just feels wrong. She doesn't get to interact with my W. And no, W can't leave her job. She's been here for something like 35 years and is an institution in her own right. Does that make sense? The bit about how I am disgusted by any attempt for them to normalize any interaction? It's my bottom line. It's not OK.

So I just have to figure out how to navigate this.

Meanwhile, W refused to write down and sign our NC with ow agreement. She says it just makes her a loser if she breaks it and gives me more reason to be mad... now there's some mixed up logic for you!!! But I sort of know what she's saying. She doesn't want to look weak or unable to keep to an agreement. And keep in mind, she's a people pleaser and always is so concerned about what people think about her, so she can't set a boundary with ow. I get that and I hate it about her. And I'm threatened by it.

I think the best thing for me is to keep GALing and be independent and strong and interesting, and not so predictable that she can take me for granted. If I make and keep a happy home and am not just a doormat that's got to help, right?