Life has been good to me so far and I was doing so well, unfortunately things unexpected happened and I'm back to square one like two years ago.
Kids' grandfather (my ex's dad) has been taken seriously ill to hospital and the outcome is bleak. My ex sisters in law couldn't get hold of ex so they asked me to help (had to call OW). Went to see him to say my farewell in hospital but this is triggering a lot of emotions:
A) I still love ex and want him back ( but this will never happen)
B) it brings me back to when his mother died and it brings back all the things ex said about me to everyone for not supporting him (reminder: my dad had been diagnosed with Laekemia two months earlier and was in sterile room in hospital, my eldest was 19 months and had a newborn of 6 weeks). So I feel really low as I believed that if I had done things differently I might have been able to save my marriage.
C) I'm jealous as OW is the one supporting him and I'm not given a chance to do that and rectify what I did wrong when his mum died.
D) My divorce went to court and in 6 weeeks I can apply to make it final. I'm regretting filing. When I did it it was the right thing to do as I couldn't live in limbo and I didn't want my kids to be brought up believing that it's ok to STILL be married but living with someone else.
E) I'm lonely (even if I go out a lot) as I come home to no one to talk to about my day, to cuddle to. I have given up on online dating as it's not for me (I don't like it).
So as you can see I'm pretty low. Rang my family for support and was told why was I crying for over my ex FIL. This man has been part of my life for 12 years ,and even if his son (ex) is who he is, because of what and how he treated my MIL had an impact on ex interaction with women, I still love him as he is part of my family.
