I did speak with the lawyer, months ago about trying to force H out of the house. The only way that happens in my jurisdiction is if there is physical abuse. (Emotional abuse doesn't count as "abuse." It is too difficult to define.) H wants to stay, for whatever reason (money?), so there is nothing I can do. My only option is to stay or to leave.
Since he won't leave, I beginning to make plans to leave. I can no longer live under the same roof with this man. It has become too toxic. I had a session with my therapist yesterday and he said when a person tries to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person the unhealthy person acts like a steamroller and the other person is like a twig.
At one point during all of this I believed that one person can change the relationship. I've read about here, in books, articles, etc., but I am finding it is much harder in real life than on paper. My H is in la la land and resolutely refuses to enter reality or the present. It is a fight I don't think I can win. I believe I am a strong woman with a lot of fortitude and I also believe I have enough sense to know when enough is enough.
So now I have to direct my resources elsewhere. I tried. God knows I did.
My interactions with H have been very brief. I am polite, but very brief, practically a mute. I said very little before being served and am saying remarkably less to him now. It comes surprisingly easy.
In my head I picture my relationships like a house with a yard. Some people I let into my house; some people can come into the yard, but not into the house; and others have to remain on the curb. Right now, H has to stay in the street. From my vantage point I can safely watch him, acknowledge him, and make sure he doesn't hurt me my storming my castle. This is the way it has to be for me. This can change, but right now, I need him out in the street (preferably literally and figuratively). Since I cannot put him out of the house literally, I can do it in my head.
