With my sitch, getting a life was a huge catalyst in making things better. I switched from being a nervous couch potato who was afraid of everything due to my mental health issues to someone that radically changed for the better. I flew for the first time ever. Took my wife to a tropical location. Changed my hair style, shaved my chest (ok, I get mocked for this), lost weight, hit the gym 4x a week. My wife is in the fitness field and now has a guy that she always wanted. We work out regularly now and push each other.
That being said, its not all unicorns and rainbows. I'm STILL pissed she chose infidelity over divorce. But I cannot continue to live in the past, for I will be doomed to repeat it. I need to continue on the constant and never ending improvement on my end. Continue with IC. Keep boundaries enforced. And most of all, communicate like crazy. No more passive agressive-ness from each other.
I couldn't have done it (reconciliation) had she not been remorseful. However, I definitely did change once I found out about her indescritions. I didn't sit and say "oh woe is me" and cry a river about it. I got off my arse and did something. She was SHOCKED at the fury I showed, thinking I would simply blow this off. She wasn't prepared for me telling her to leave the house. She wasn't prepared for the onslaught of hatred from the kids.
My biggest mistake to this day was listening to my old IC and MC who advised me to BEG her back. Once I showed some sorrow and tried to woo her back with flowers, she started holding the upper hand on me. Blaming me for cheating. The MC agreed. It was a year of torture. Once I saw my new IC, all that stopped and I got my testicles back. W still worked with OM, but my new IC helped me regain my strength and it was about a month later she resigned.
I feel good about us now. And I know that I can live with or without her. She's welcome to join me on the new life I've created. If not, I'm ok. It'll take a bit, but if I can survive this, I can survive anything.
Great story! I hope some people stuck where you and I used to be read these stories.
